It’s April, which is the perfect storm of sports. We’re just coming up for air from the NCAA tourney and if you breathe deeply, you’ll get that fresh mix of NBA playoffs, the NFL draft, and the maturation of the baseball season. If you breathe really deeply you may even catch some NHL playoff fever, although that might be pollen. I can’t tell because both make me sneeze.Take tonight for example (Monday the 21st). The sports television possibilities tonight are enough to make even SuperSonics fans excited again. First on the docket is Monday Night Baseball between the most interesting two National League teams, (which I understand is like saying the sexiest of those Mormon Polygamy Ranch Moms) the Cubs and the Mets. Nonetheless, Carlos Zambrano is always electric and he’s on the hill, and he's against an almost American League Mets offense.
With a simple click of the remote, we’re transported to an NBA double-header between the Cavaliers/Wizards
and the Rockets/Jazz. LeBron is wreaking more havoc on DC than tourists looking for cherry blossoms so that’s fun to watch from a distance. Rockets Jazz Game 2 is a snoozer on paper but as a general rule, I don’t sleep on teams that win 22 games in a row.
With a simple click of the remote, we’re transported to an NBA double-header between the Cavaliers/Wizards
and the Rockets/Jazz. LeBron is wreaking more havoc on DC than tourists looking for cherry blossoms so that’s fun to watch from a distance. Rockets Jazz Game 2 is a snoozer on paper but as a general rule, I don’t sleep on teams that win 22 games in a row. Click, and we’re on the ice for another double-header. On one channel, the Washington Capitals fighting to force
a game 7 with the Flyers, and the Bruins and Canadiens in their own elimination game on another. Yes, hockey on two channels. The next thing you know we’ll all be humming O’Canada and putting gravy on French-fries. I live in DC and am from Boston and can confidently say that people in both cities legitimately think that they care about these two hockey teams right now. People have jumped onto their respective bandwagons so quickly that they forgot that, as a nation, we contractually signed hockey away two years ago (you were supposed to retain the pink copy for yourself). As filler, there is more NFL pre-draft coverage than anyone knows what to do with, which is why it is scattered everywhere like King of the Hill re-runs. I think I just saw two "experts" doing a mock draft on what Mel Kiper’s next mock draft will look like. Hell, I’d rather watch Arena Football, conveniently airing on ESPN2.
So you see the problem right? Catching all of this is impossible without a well-oiled ‘Last’ button and double-jointed thumb, but this is not my main concern. How am I, a self-diagnosed sportsaholic, supposed to pretend to keep track of all these results on a television night featuring How I Met Your Mother, Intervention, and The Hills?
Well thank god for DVR or as I like to call it, God’s button. As a culture I don’t know how we didn’t create this invention earlier and as a culture I don’t know how we haven’t awarded it some flavor of the Nobel Prize. Peace Prize: How many marital fights have been avoided by being able to watch one program and record another? Medicine Prize: No more being concerned that you’re missing Scrubs because you have to see Lost. Economics Prize: C'est la vie blank video tapes and VCRs.
I’d previously used God’s button for conflicts of interest, like when Top Chef was up against The Gauntlet 3 and both would be water cooler fodder the next day. Now God’s button has come back and one up-ed itself. I can watch my favorite Monday night staples at halftimes, commercials, and postgames (and in full disclosure, first and third quarters too). I’m downright giddy to think about how I’ll soon pretend to watch Monday Night Football! My baseball fantasy team, apathy for the Bruins, and crush on Lauren Conrad can live in harmony.
Like it says in the Bible, "And God saw that it was good."
