We just saw the players introduced: Uggla, Sizemore, Longoria, Berkman, Morneau, Braun and Hamilton. This should be the part where Aston Kucher tells you you're punk'd and that there's no way the Major League would let a bunch of second rate home run hitters participate in one of the season's most anticipated events. I wish I could tell you that, I wish I could. At least they booked the first rate talent of Erin Andrews tonight for the sideline reporting. She just interviewed Derek Jeter and will probably be dating him by the fifth hitter. He pulls hot tail like his throws from shortstop.
While we're talking about a second rate event, stay tuned for the 'Ashlee Simpson Ugly Sibling' MLB Celebrity and Legends Softball game featuring Tom Denton, Bobby Flay, and Wade Boggs!!! Maybe if New York won titles, they could have booked A-list celebrities.
Unfortunately the big hitters like Alex Rodriguez, Adam Dunn, Ryan Howard, and Manny Ramirez had more important plans than thanking the fans for their support.
I don't want this to become an anti-Yankee diatribe, but I don't think the media has done its job in keeping the players in check, especially A-rod and Giambi for not stepping up for their city. This is shameful on the same level as Barry Bonds not hitting in the derby in San Francisco a few years ago. Tonight, the stadium is full of Yankee fans who overpay for tickets to see these guys half-ass it night in and out. The mid-summer classic is a way for the players to say thanks; thanks for paying 40 bucks for a crappy seat, thanks for not bailing on us when we hit a slump, thanks for getting me paid millions of dollars a year.
Meanwhile Giambi and A-rod will sit out and let the J-V team fill their spots tonight. This should be the end of fan support for these lazy, ungrateful, me-first-ers. Look at Giambi's situation first. He vowed if he didn't make the All-Star team, than he wouldn't show up to the Derby. After making it to the final spot vote, New Yorkers embraced him and his mustache for a week. Throughout the week, Yankee fans exhibited more fake facial hair than the cast of Achnorman, but as soon as Giambi was cut, he spurned the fans.
A-rod meanwhile, apparently hasn't ruined enough things in New York in the last week. No way he remembers the sound of applause and the feeling of adoration. The guy gets treated worse than most of the city's cabbies. But this makes it the perfect time for A-rod to win some fans back; he could be the second most appreciated adulterer in Yankee Stadium behind Rudy Giuliani. The man who's family is living in the house Lenny Kravitz owns, could create a great Yankee memory in the House that Ruth built. Yet Ole Purple Lips is no where to be seen, setting himself up for further questions about his whereabouts, about his meddle, and about his cohones.
I don't have as much to say about those other biggest mashers, except for Manny who is from New York City. I think its disrespectful and short-sighted of them, and I wish their decisions would affect their fan support. We could have had a lot more fun if those guys had bats on their shoulders instead of Handicams.
First update- Uggla hit 6. Sizemore, a leadoff hitter, hit 6. Longoria, hit 3, which is 2 less homers than times Chris Berman reminded us he wasn't on the opening day roster. Not really what I would consider a first-class affair thus far. I am not gonna say they phoned in these invites but I think I just saw Bud Selig's dad tell him his July minutes are used up. Thank god for these intermittent Erin Andrews interviews.
Utley, one of the favorites, just hit a solidly underwhelming 5 homeruns. Who knew 3 Doors Down would have a longer performance than the best player in the NL? Next, Lance Berkman went on a streak that briefly made me reconsider my stance on aborting the Derby, as he hit a string of upper-deck moonshots and 8 by the end. But just as things were starting to go right, we had to endure Chris Berman's annoying "Back back back back back back back." If I have to hear that again I might go all Van Gogh and chop my ear off.
Rick Reilly just made a great point that tonight's contestants are all white. 8 white guys, almost a full Gonzaga hoops squad. He points out that 5 of the last 8 winners (or something) have been Hispanic, yet we dont get to see a Pujols, Abreu, Soriano, or Tejada, who can all pound the ball out. A great observation.
Morneau hits a very Minnesota (vanilla) 8 to tie Berkman and Ryan Braun went off for 7 as half of the Yankee Stadium patrons looked upon a fellow Jew with adoration.
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...umm...yeah... then, that happened.
How amazing was that? Seriously. It has to be a top 10 performance I've ever witnessed live on TV. This is clearly no longer a junior-prom (I was wrong about that). Just as they said: the fans were cheered out from all of the Ham-il-ton, Ham-il-ton. With his background, his brute strength, and his immense likability, the last 15 minutes couldn't have been better. Those homeruns were of magnitudes incomprehensible. Its like the first time I heard the Beatles.
You may say that Josh Hamilton proved that I don't know what I'm talking about, but I contend that it proves exactly what I have been saying the whole time.
Imagine if Hamilton was doing this against those aforementioned big hitters. What if a few guys had hit 20 homeruns and this thing wasn't over already? If Hamilton's 28 had to face A-rod's 22, Manny's 20 and Ryan Howard's 25? Instead we're primed for Hamilton to be tired by the final round and for him to lose to a clearly second rate opponent. I can't wait. Even if he does finish this on top, the derby couldn't have gone out on a higher note than canceling it after the first round, and that's a sad reality on a happy ending. Thanks for the memory.
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