I have spent a lot of time in the last couple of days watching the Olympics and brushing up on everything from archery to badminton (rules as explained by Marcy Stoda) to trampoline and feel confident in already being able to call myself an expert. As self-proclaimed expert, I will now answer some lingering questions that are bothering many viewers, after a few days of fierce international competition and awkward international pageantry.
Question 1: I've been watching a lot of handball and am wondering why isn't more prominent in the United States?
Answer: There is no good answer, maybe its because we can't all agree to quit on hockey. But if you've watched handball so far I think you'd all agree that we could trade the NHL and the
WNBA for a sweet handball league. It plays like basketball combined with soccer and packs lots of scoring with the propensity for horrific collisions and exquisite dodgeball-esque facials.Handball is the perfect spawn of athleticism, entertainment, and danger. The US needs to start a grass-roots movement to get more neighborhood handball leagues and hope that it catches on enough to expose enough stars of the game to create our own national league.
Question 2: Can you explain what is going on with the synchronized diving?
Yes, in fact I can. Synchronized diving looks for two aspect in each paired dive: synchronization and precision of the dive. There are two sets of judges and each set is focused on only one of the above criteria. And not only do the divers have to be totally in sync but also must enter the water at a perfectly vertical position which can be measured by how small of a splash the divers create.
What is really cool about the diving is nothing, but what is noteworthy is the camera that runs vertically along the diving platform that follows the divers from takeoff to landing in real time. It gives you a sense of how quick these guys must complete somersaults and twists and an appreciation for why this is an actual event (my first thought was why not have a complimentary event where the goal would be both synchronization and maximum splash). Also interesting is the play by play announcer. I don't know what her name is but as soon as the pair are underwater, she knows exactly where the faults were in the attempt, after seeing it only once (it wasn't tape delay when I was watching). A question I cannot answer though is what she does in the three year, 11 month offseason.
(OFF TOPIC QUESTION: How soon is too soon to start sending out texts about possible no-hitters? Jon Danks is through 4 innings; Can I start sending out the warnings?)
Question 3: I feel sometimes like Michael Phelps is kinda a douche. Do I HAVE to root for him anyway?
This may be a contradiction to most people's feelings about Phelps, but this actually hits home for me. Others may understand better if they exchange Phelps with common hate-targets such as Mike Krzyzewski or Serena Williams. While I would like to see him win all eight golds as much as the next American, there is a hint of douchebaggery from the Baltimore native (not quite as strong as the lime flavor in Tostitos with a hint of lime). First of all, there was the DUI incident a few years ago, after his last Olympics triumph (if I were an American Olympic Chairman I would institute a rule that any athlete who got a DUI, domestic violence, or other felony, would not be allowed to participate in the next Olympics. That means you too Carmelo. These guys are representing our country; lets try to pick some people we can be proud of and who can win some medals).
Phelps' second fault to me is undefinable... its sorta intangible, which may delegitimize it. I guess the best way to explain it is a combination of his air of superiority, his hogging of the swimming events, and his smug iPod pre-race look. Its not that I don't appreciate his swagger and skill set, I just don't get the sense that he is not a guy I would want to be friends with.Anyway last night's 4x100m freestyle relay (even though Phelps wasn't even winning after his first leg) was the greatest Olympic event I have witnessed since the Dream Team. I will be both watching and on-my-feet cheering for Phelps for the rest of the games, at which point I will flush him out of my mind for 4 more years (like Hillary Clinton).
Plus it yielded this priceless headline.
Question 4: Who is the United States' biggest rival?
Hard to say for sure, there may be a few nominees for best Olympic villain. The easy answer would be China, our toughest competition in the medal count. However they are the home nation and unless you really care about the whole Free Tibet thing, I don't know what they've done to us.
Russia is always scumming around and after the not so timely invasion of Georgia, they have a certain hate-ability. Plus there was the big Benedict Arnold debate over Becky Hammond.
Meanwhile, Afghanistan had this little nugget that may raise an eyebrow and Iran not really winning Nobel Peace prizes either.
Belgium though, is my dark horse in this race. Since Belgium-based inBev bought out Anheuser-Busch, I think we've all felt somewhat threatened by the tiny, delicious country. I would take great pride in beating them down and re-enforcing our alcoholic superiority
Question 5: How great is that Marvin Gaye national anthem commercial for Nike?
It good and if you haven't seen it, here is the long version. Apparently coincides with the story Coach K played the Gaye anthem in one of the first Team USA practices this summer, to inspire his squad. HOWEVER, there is an even better Nike Olympics commercial set to The Killer's tune All These Things That I Have Done. No offense to Marvin Gaye (or Francis Scott Key), but here is that commercial, which is far more inspirational and beautifully edited.
Also worth noting are the series of Visa commercials with Morgan Freeman narration of past Olympic glory. Whoever his hospital roommate was, was a very lucky sick person.
(OFF TOPIC NOTE- Youkilis singles in the 7th to break up the no-no one inning after my mass text went out. YOU'RE WELCOME)
Question 6: Those little gymnast girls are creepy, right?
I'm glad you asked! Yes, the female gymnasts from China, Russia, and other nations, have given
me the heebie-jeebies. For those scoring at home, that makes them slightly creepier than the Miley Cyrus hour of MTV Live recorded on my DVR but not as creepy as those pageant girls at the end of Little Miss Sunshine. Its on par with the twins in The Shining. For me they are an automatic channel change. These girls are eerily small, and their tiny little feet, pony tails, and incredibly strong grip are a
combination that easily equates nightmare fuel. Let's move on quick.
Question 7: Have there been any letdowns so far in the games?
I can think of three notable letdowns thus far. First was the revelation that during the Opening Ceremonies (which were absolutely fantastic) the footprint fireworks that trekked down the Beijing Olympic Strip were actually CGI effects. Bummer, because it the powerful image was one that really stuck out as beautifully symbolic and yet astoundingly badass.
Second on the list would be Andrea Kremer's post-swim race interviews. She takes gold in the interview butchering medley. She's done it in four ways, at least: Constant interrupting, losing the interview subject, asking the same dumb question consecutively in two different ways, and standing in front of the aqua-Goddess Natalie Coughlin. 
And the third big letdown was the organization of the soccer tournament. Due to a clash with FIFA, the Olympic Soccer rosters are comprised of athletes under 23-years old. That means instead of Cristiano Ronaldo, Luca Toni, Fernando Torres, and the other footballers we have become familiar with through Champions League, EuroCup, and the '06 World Cup, we are rooting for strangers. Not really the whole "best in the world" thing I thought the Olympics prided themselves on...
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