Friday, November 21, 2008

The DUI Rule

Keith Olbermann is known for his "Worst Person in the World" segments and Bill Maher is known for his "New Rules" segments, and I will now steal both. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research (just kidding, I stole that too. Big ups to Wilson Minzer on that one).

Anyway, this week there was a legitimate worst person, our old friend Jim Leyritz. If you don't know Jim Leyritz here is his wikipedia page, and basically he's a retired baseball player who played mostly for the Yankees, but also the Red Sox and many others. What is relevant for today's lesson is that allegedly last December, he ran a red light and struck and killed a woman in Florida. The woman was a young mother.

Almost 11 months later and Leyritz still hasn't been tried but was in court this week and delivered this stinkbomb: he petitioned a judge to removed a bothersome (his word,not mine) breathalyzer that has been installed in his car. His lawyer said in a statement in a court of law "He cannot leave the car with a valet, because it cannot be started by the valet. " Another problem apparently that Leyritz "can't eat things like chicken Marsala" because the wine content can set off the breathalyzer. You can read the report here if you need more.

Wow. (Take a minute and let that sink in) It's too easy to skewer him, there is just too much material. You could question why he's allowed a car at all, or what they serve to prison inmates who commit vehicular homicide, or whether the victim's family uses valet.

I think the problem is bigger than the ass-hattery of Jim Leyritz. It's about the all too frequent nature of pro athletes (and celebrities, and really everyone) acquiring DUI's like they are parking tickets. Even in cases when no one gets hurt, I dont think the meager fines, occasional suspensions, and the usual bad-mouthing is even close to enough penalty to dissuade others from making the same mistakes.

Here's where the new DUI rule comes into play. Anyone who gets a DUI is banned from the following events: All Star Weekend (applicable to NBA, MLB, NHL, for the NFL we can call it Superbowl Weekend), any league award (applicable to all sports) and the US Olympic Team (applicable to NBA, NHL). No way no how should DUI-ers represent our country, and who would argue against this? Also watch them squirm when they are not allowed at the All-Star parties and events that even Flava-Flav gets into. Furthermore they lose other pro-athlete perks such as no more comp'ed seats for family members and friends, their names in video games, and softball questions from the media. And definitely no valet service and chicken marsala.

One strike is all athletes should get, They have too much money NOT to have a chauffeur, a limo, a chauffeur with a limo, or taxi service to drive over state lines. To me its more about the excessive money at their disposal than that whole role model thing. Kids who are old enough to understand DUI's are old enough to realize that athletes aren't role models for the most part.

In order to buck this problem we need to start hitting offenders where it hurts. These fines are like shooting buffalos with BB guns, and suspensions are just mini-vacations for most of these guys. No more warning shots across the bow, its time to strike at their egos, their taken for granted benefits, and their reputations.

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