Super Soft Media Day

At today's Super Bowl media day Chris Berman made tons of "whoop" noises, Rich Eisen tried to interview Hines Ward's knee, and Deion Sanders asked players about Deion Sanders. There was a salsa dancer, a 12-year old interviewer, and a height-off between the NFL's rumor-hoarding dwarfs Jay Glazer and Adam Schefter (Chris Mortenson confirmed this a half hour later). Basically no one learned anything and no one who wasn't participating had any fun, way to go NFL.

If you're a media member I know you cant ruffle feathers at this softball-fest, but why can't they ask good questions? For example:

To Ben Roethlisberger: If you guys win the Super Bowl again and you stink again, do you think you will still be revered with other two-time champion QB's? ...Which parts of your body don't hurt right now? ...Did you send Bernard Pollard a thank you note after week 1 or are you waiting until the season is over?

To Kurt Warner: Compliments on your wife growing her hair out; who has had more of a rejuvenated year, you or her? ...If you lose the Superbowl, does that mean God is a Steelers fan? ...Remember when you were benched for Eli Manning four years ago and now you could be consecutive QBs to win Superbowls, how crazy is that?

To Anquan Boldin: Are you jealous of Larry Fitzgerald lapping you in talent this year? ...How proud are you to be the most jacked player in the NFL? ...Have you packed up your Arizona home yet or are you waiting you officially sign somewhere else?

To Larry Fitzgerald: Do you realize how freaking high your stock is right now? ...You have singlehandedly made the Cardinals an almost respectable franchise, how proud are you? ...Do you always have the fear that Anquan Boldin could go Tonya Harding on at any moment? ...As a star receiver, how hard is it to not shoot yourself in the leg?

To Willie Parker: Can we all agree that its time for your bitterness towards UNC to end? ...Isn't the nickname "Fast" pretty lame? ...How many angry letters do you get from touchdown-less fantasy owners?

To Edgerrin James: How was your mid-season vacation and where did you go? ...Have you tried mentoring Tim Hightower this year or are you nervous of helping your competition? ...Did you grow your hair out so people wouldn't notice how gross your teeth are?

To Hines Ward: Do you demand the ball in the huddle of third downs and big plays or do you just get lucky? ...Didn't your offense used to be more interesting with Ken Whisenhunt calling plays? ...How do you mesh with a punk-ass like Santonio Holmes? ...You've already planned your Super Bowl Championship celebration world tour, haven't you?

To Mike Tomlin: Do you look so cool because you try hard or because you're black? ...Do you think Coach Whisenhunt hates seeing pictures of you and the Steelers like most people hate seeing pictures of the ex's with new flames? ...What have you actually done to make the team better since Bill Cowher left?

To Ken Whisenhunt: Seriously, how much do you hate the Steelers? ...Do you ever consider asking your players to take cheap shots on Ben and other old friends like the coach did in Mighty Ducks to Adam Banks? ...Did you tell your players to take off week 16 in Foxboro or does your team actually have the capability to suck that hard? ...If it were legal, would you take yourselves getting seven points?

To Matt Leinart: Do you cry when listening to Springsteen's Glory Days? ...Does being a bench warmer for a punchline franchise cut down on your ability to spit game on girls? ...When you play with the Cardinals in Madden, do you sub yourself in for Kurt? ...Aren't you kinda rooting for an injury so you can play Sunday? ...How quick can you funnel a beer?