Brett Fraud-re

I'm past the point of wishing death to everyone in New York City and getting the blog scoped out by the Department of Homeland Security, and up to the second stage of Patriots Football Grief, wishing death just to key NY Jets personnel, particularly Brett Favre.

Here's the thing, I didn't learn anything from yesterday's debacle. We knew the Patriots were better than the Bills. We knew the Dolphins were better than the Jets and knew the Ravens were better than the god-awful Jaguars. We knew Brett Favre was ancient and unreliable, like sundials or chivalry. Plus, I think deep down inside we all knew that losing in overtime at home to the Jets would come back to bite eventually.

But that doesn't mean we don't have the right to be mad. Yesterday's performance by the Patriots in the wind was herculean, with Matt Cassel getting his Bill Paxton on, passing and punting into a twister I expected to see a cow or a trailer fly through. He and the defense took care of business the best they could. Unfortunately we had to depend on a team so horrible that by 6PM its fans were rooting against themselves

And as bad as the Jets defense was (more Swiss than cheese really), Brett Favre was epically putrid. He had a trilogy of interceptions, each worse than the one before. It was like The Mummy of quarterback performances. The first deep ball was not horrible but had me wishing I hadn't seen it. The second pass I couldn't believe anyone would make. Favre threw to a receiver he couldn't see because he was hiding behind the massive defensive lineman who ended up catching, running and scoring. The third pick was a walk off interception. We walked out before it was all over, nothing was said.

The second and third picks were Chicago Black Sox interceptions... ones that make you question allegiances and motives. Ones that give the censors of your brain the hour off and you spew hate at Brett Favre and his shoulder and his family and even his performance in There's Something About Mary. Its wishing aloud for news stories of the Jets team plane crashing, or a stampede of fans leaving the Meadowlands resulting in a massacre of turncoat Jets fans. Yesterday we spent more than an hour discussing whether kidnapping his daughter was the best way to send a message. That is the aforementioned first stage of grief.

Now I'm only wishing for news about Favre's shoulder injury being a malignant tumor that requires amputation. That is my second stage. I assume the next stage becomes an even lesser degree of rage, one where Eric Mangini's job is some sort of acceptable collateral damage. But currently I can't imagine when that day will come.

But that douzy of a third stage (and whatever lies beyond that... maybe the whole forth or fifth "There's always next year" stage) won't be hastened by all the things that remind me of Favre; its like trying to get over an old girlfriend. Whenever I hear Madden verbally felate Brett Fav-rah's warrior mentality, or he inevitable skips of the Pro-Bowl (really?!?! Favre's 22/22/81 rtg over Cassel's 21/11/89.4 or Pennington's 19/7/97.4 or Rivers' 34/11/105.5), or the months of will he/won't comeback rumors, it will be a remind of the pain.

Here's the dirty little secret in it all: Brett Favre sucks. Maybe not always, maybe not even most of last year, but those days have passed and now he just sucks. He ruined the Patriots' somehow under-dog season, he ruined the Jets for a few years to come, he ruined Mike Smith's chances at coach of the year (he's lead blocking for Sparano now) and he ruined his own name.

He has almost as many shameful records as celebrated ones, lets talk about those. 22 interceptions led the league this year, and don't pretend they weren't in crunchtime. Lets talk about his backstabbing of Green Bay and don't pretend he didn't also force the hand of the Jets front office. He ruined Cameron Diaz, Wrangler Jeans, and the number 4, for me. I'm even finding myself questioning that awesomely groomed yet somewhat unrefined facial stubble. Basically my world is shattered. I hate you Brett Favre.

Un-Patriotic Talk

If you've followed the election (read: news) at all, its not news that many of Barack Obama's critics have called him unpatriotic. Recently, I have felt like Barack Obama. Not because I'm a big deal or that I'm black, but more that I too, have been called unpatriotic. Unlike Barry O, I've been slandered more by my friends, who think my lack of faith in the New England Patriots is sacrilege and heresy. I don't get flack for not wearing Patriots logos on my lapels but I do lose points for my declared lack of faith in my nation.

It all started when my friends and I began a NFL confidence pick 'em pool. Last year we all had the Patriots maxed out almost every week, that was a given for a 16-0 team. However this year, there was the incident-that-shall-not-be-spoken-of in week one and with a Brady-less team, I think the Patriots are Lindsay Lohan types of exposed (in the NSFW link kinda way).

Yadda, yadda, yadda, now the Patriots have drifted up and down my confidence board and in a couple weeks have even no-showed. Against the Chargers and Colts in weeks six and nine, I predicted (correctly) that the Patriots would lose. Everyone accepts that Matt Cassel is the 2008 recession-era version of Tom Brady, but I would go even farther. I posit our defensive backs are inexperienced and soft without Rodney Harrison, our linebackers old and stale, and offensive studs cannot be taken advantage of without Brady. This year's Moss and Welker are like toys on Christmas that don't come with AA batteries; they exist, but not to their fullest.

All season I've watched the Patriots squeak by cellar dwellers like the Chiefs and Rams. Even in wins against the Jets and the Broncos (41-7 on MNF!!!) I have been underwhelmed. Probably I am jaded by the ghost of Patriots' past and the other Boston sport successes, but I feel like I am the only who can see through the homer filter and understand that the only thing keeping these Pats above .500 is a horrendously weak schedule (even I can agree 9+ wins and the playoffs are a possibility).

But last night something changed. The Patriots showed up against the Colts, and for the first time all year, really impressed me. Final score notwithstanding, the Patriots hung with a fully rostered, albeit rusty Colts team. They handled Peyton, Wayne, and Addai more than I ever expected them too and even moved the ball on offense with a second-string QB and a third-string RB. The offensive line shined, Kevin Faulk drank from the fountain of youth, and Cassel wasn't a potential mole. All night I sat there with my re-found pride of the Patriots, like Michelle Obama with the US.

Then something else changed. Bill Belichick took the Patriots out of a game. I know there was a dropped touchdown and a drive-ending penalty, but to me General Hoodie kept the Pats out of the win column. First it was challenging a non-penalty that would net us five lame yards (unsuccessfully). And then it was a premature two point conversion. And then a second guessing timeout, which was our last one, early in the fourth. And then, and then, and then.

Coach didn't let up first downs, didn't drop six points, and didn't take a shot at a Colt after a play. But when we had a 4th and 15 with four minutes left, we had to go for it because stopping the clock wasn't an option. When we needed timeouts to mount a final drive, we didn't have them. And for the first time, our coach wasn't the best general on the field. It's two jarring changes in confidence but I think there's a better chance that the Pats keep impressing me than that Belichick keeps depressing me from here out.

The Post-Brady Era (PBE)

So that sucked...

Bernard Pollard took me back to a place I hadn't been in a while; a place I had only been with Aaron Boone and David Tyree in recent memory. Sports heart break. Where changing from 'invincible' to 'invisible' can happen in one moment. Where concern shifts from "How many TDs will Randy Moss get for my fantasy team this week?" to "Are the Patriots finished this season?"

Stories about Brady's injury ran on every channel today from ESPN to Fox News. There was no escaping the punchline of jokes about karma (he had been off of the pregame injury report for the first time in the last 57 games...) and no escaping the awful tabloid headlines like "Breaking Knees."

Boston has always been a hotspot for sports pessimism and from what I've read New England is thoroughly and understandably depressed (I am encouraged however that my dad, a psychologist, probably has lots of opportunity for business as a grief counselor for the next few weeks). But let's try to take the next few minutes and be optimistic.

Maybe this is the chance the Patriots need to restore their image. It's no doubt that the Patriots have replaced the Cowboys as the most hated team in football. We've been almost invincible (there's that word again) for the last few years. We've cheated and been caught. We've blamed losses on flukes. We've turned a thug into the most electric receiver in football. We're the dicks who show up to the party, drink all the good beer, take the girls and leave without saying goodbye.

Now that we've lost the NFL's darling player, we have a chance to become the NFL's darling team. Imagine the Patriots, sans league MVP, making a run for the Lombardi trophy; it's not likely but that's what makes it a cinderella story. And while its easy to see Tom's ripped achilles in the empty glass, you can also see all of the potential in Welker, Moss, Seymour, and Belichick, if you dare look into the full glass. This team may have one anchor, but the boat won't drift away without him.

And if the Patriots can piece together enough wins for the playoffs (thank god for our easy schedule!) just think about the stories that await. The adoration for a team just muddling though, a team going back to its blue-collar roots, will be unequivocal. Football Beatle-mania! Like Andy Dufresne wrote, "And if you've come this far, maybe you're willing to come a little farther." Add that media adoration with a genius mind on the sideline, and a team with AARP-like experience, and the motivation of a bunch of guys who've been counted out, and who knows what might happen. We could shatter the glass ceiling.

Or we can get stuck on the ground floor. No one knows how it's gonna go (and if they do, please tell me so I can gamble accordingly) but what we do know is that Brady will be spending time at home, watching most games with Gisele resting on his right knee. Nothing will change that... unless he wants someone even hotter, but that's not helping the Patriots. What might help, is a fan-base not quitting, like all the pundits have. It might not matter either, but there's no sense in quitting.