Summer Goals for Everyone

Flipping your calendar from May to June feels good in the same way crossing something off a to-do list does; while largely insignificant, its highly psychologically rewarding. June means summer and that means girls in sun dresses, the meat of the Red Sox season, Sam Summer on draft, the lowering of inhibitions, and if you're lucky enough, wearing shorts to work. Here's the thing about summer, it goes by quick if you don't make the most of it. You can fly through June-July-August like pitchers fly through the Ortiz-Varitek-Lugo part of the lineup, so lets set some goals (we can keep the bar low) in hopes to get the most of the time of the year. 

1) Drink and eat outside as much as possible. The main reason: Everything tastes better outside. Whether its a tailgate, a bbq, an outdoor table at a restaurant, a patio or rooftop bar, or a picnic (do girls read this site?) a breeze and fresh air really goes a long way. Poetically, there's definitely something serene about the absence of walls, and more practically the people watching is stellar, especially with ogle-hiding sunglasses. 

2) Catch up on a past series of television (or three). All the good stuff is over by now so take the time to pick up on something you've missed. Thanks to On Demand and DVD's there are a couple ways to make up for lost time. Some often overlooked series: AMC's Mad Men, Showtime's Californication, and my deep deep sleeper, Starz's Party Down. But by all means if you live in aWi-Fi configured cave and haven't tried Lost, Arrested Development, or How I Met Your Mother (start with season 2), now is your chance. 

3) Get active. So maybe its hot out and a run isn't feasible, but there are still lots of choices from a beer softball league to shooting hoops to playing golf without a cart. I'm gonna get preachy here for a second: I happened across the ole high school yearbook last week and we're all noticeably fatter now mainly because our outdoor activities are becoming increasingly seldom. Summer is our chance to get in better shape, maybe get a tan too. Like they say in Knocked Up, "We didn't say lose weight, I might say tighten. Just like toned and smaller." Look, this isn't an intervention but dont sleep on summer's opportunities to get out and play.

4) Go away. Ideally a road trip is the best bet because it incorporates seeing somewhere new, bonding with others, inevitable problem solving, and blasting Summer of 69 with the windows down. Miles logged are far less important than the journey itself. Road trips be themed as in ballpark tours, reunions with college buddies, golf trips, beach weekends, the Shawshank Redemption trail or sporadic, haphazard stops. Road trips work because the process is usually greater than or equal to the results and like when the pizza guy shows up on late night Cinemax, the possibilities are endless. 

5) Knock out the summer staples early. Lightning round: A lawn concert, a beach trip, a few games of cornhole, a baseball game at a new stadium, a new set of flip-flops, a summer fling (nobody likes a prude!), a messy meal of crab or lobster, a top-40 song you like wayyyyy too much, a book that wouldn't sniff a scholastic reading list, and a last-minute day off from work.

Top 10 Things of the Second Half of Summer (Mid July-Sept)

Labor day is winding down which means beer hangovers mixed with summer hangovers. An optimist would point out that we can appreciate the weather for a few more weeks, but a pessimist would counter with the idea that true summer mentality exists from Memorial to Labor Day, and everything else is just poseur-ism. I subscribe to the latter camp and without further ado, will reflect on the Top 10 Things from the second half of Summer 2008 (in no particular order).


Dustin Pedroia- In the dog days of summer, the Red Sox won a bunch, lost a bunch, and kept afloat in the AL playoff push. It seems the like Sox have gone through everything, Manny maybe leaving, Manny maybe staying, Manny actually leaving, injuries to everyone. Basically the only rock has been last year's rook: Dustin Pedroia. In the last month he's the number one fantasy player, and has 6 homers, 20 RBIs, and 5 SBs while batting .376 (1.081 OPS for the baseball nerds!!!). Last week he helmed the team during a 2 outta 3 series against the White Sox when he was the only opening day starting infielder not injured; all he did was go 9 for 12 in the series. Pedroia is the levee during the Sox tumultuous hurricane-season summer.


Mad Men- Word of mouth to the rescue again! The buzz in my office for AMC's Mad Men was strong I subsequently dove into the kool-aid pitcher head first (double metaphor bonus!) by DVR-ing a marathon and plowing through it in a week. Maybe you've seen the commercialss for it, touting it as the Emmy whore, and it hasn't impressed you much, that's understandable. It seems a lot like a bunch of 1950's businessmen sharing a smoke talking business, but it would be naive to quit on it after a boring ad. Here's what Mad Men is: It's The Wire set in mid 20th century Madison Avenue. Like The Wire it is more of a miniseries driven by strong character developments rather than plotlines. Characters aren't clearly good or bad, but ARE always scheming in extramarital affairs, enjoying midday drinks, and dropping hilariously chauvinistic lines from an era when men told women what was up.


Hilton Head Golf- Picture this: an entire island full of golf courses, and not just muni's but nice, well-groomed, fairly inexpensive courses. Such a place actually exists and not too far away. We're talking about Hilton Head Island, the site of Bard Family Summer Vacation 2008. Also coincidentally the site of Josh Bard Golf renascence 2008. The island is so full of great courses that most are offered for half-price as last minute tee-times, its like they're giving it away. 3 beautiful courses, 3 beautiful scores (94, 92, 91) in one week. The 2008 golf revival even carried on with a few more rounds in the same range. I am ready to pitch a show for Golf Channel called I Love the 90's.


Chicago- Rewind


Fantasy Football Drafts- Some things, like New Years' Eve and the Belmont Stakes, are guaranteed wah wahhhs. Fantasy football drafts, on the other hand, like episodes of How I Met Your Mother, are consistently living up to the hype, no matter the build-up you give it.

Fantasy football drafts are the cornerstone of enjoyable things: catching up with friends (read: making fun of your friends), crossing things off lists, and pretending that you know more than you do. There are always a couple winners in a given draft: there's the guy who picks the best team, there's the guy who is always has the funny retorts to odd picks, and there's the guy with the best team name (this year's nominees: Orton Hears a Boo, The Clay Davis All Stars, and Jews for Purple Jesus).


Heirloom Tomatoes- I'm gonna go from getting all Mel Kiper on you to getting all Martha Stewart on you now. Bit of a change of pace here but something that must be mentioned. Heirloom tomatoes are those horrifically ugly , multi-colored, elephantitis-y looking tomatoes. If you're shallow enough to get over the look of them, an award of a delicacy awaits for you. They are sweet and delicious and are to tomatoes as Filet Mignon is to steak. Blogger General's Warning: Consumption of heirloom tomatoes can lead to one becoming a tomato snob, or the tomato equivalent of that guy at the bar who will only drink Stella Artois or Red Stripe or something. Don't be that guy.


Anticipation of Fall TV- Will Sarah Tancredi return to Prison Break? Will Jim and Pam's romance bloom? Will Robin ever win a Real World/Road Rules Challenge? Will Ted and Barney's reconciliation work? Will Scrubs still suck? With no girlfriend, these are the questions keeping me up at night.


Sarah Palin- The more I learn about her the more I don't like, so I'm trying not to read anything else about the Republican VP Nominee. Only pictures from here on out. I think the real debate here is whether we are labeling her as a Cougar or a MILF. Can't you just see her as a stripper who is doing the whole "Naughty Teacher" bit. She loses the glasses, shakes the hair out, Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" plays. U-S-A!! U-S-A!!


Brew Thru- Ever feel like you want to pick up beer without leaving your car? The Brew Thru makes such lofty dreams possible. Welcome to the Outer Banks' drive-thru liquor stores; essentially a gutted car wash lined with fridges, cases of beer, and drinking paraphernalia. They even load it all into your trunk, so make sure you get that dead hooker's body out before you get there.


America the Beautiful- The 5 most beautiful women of the US Olympic Team...
Jenny Finch- A silver medal athlete and a gold medal hottie.
Natalie Coughlin- Owns the Water Cube and my heart.
Kim Glass- Can't find a photo to do her justice, but she's better than May/Walsh, take my word for it.
Lola Jones- Hotness like Rashida Jones but somehow they aren't related.
Lauren Cheney- Narrowly edged out Hope Solo, Heather Mitts, and Tobin Heath on the hottest US Olympic team