Red Sox With 100 Left

After tonight's game in Washington, the Red Sox will have 62 games under their belts, meaning 100 left in the season. Seems like as good a time as any to take a look at the season so far, and where it seems to be going.

Even as one of the biggest Sox fans I know and yet perpetual Sox worrier, I gotta say I like what we've put together. Emotionally I've got my feet up on the table and my hands behind my head, taking it all in. Not only because the first place throne is embedded with a fluffy five game cushion, and not only because we are currently 17 games over 500, but because of the way everything seems to be gellin' right now. We like Magellan, we're so gellin'.

The leading factor so far for our overwhelming success has been the pitching. It started a bit questionably with our two aces, Beckett and Lester, kinda sorta forgetting the season had actually started. Two and a half months later, Beckett has channeled his 2007 playoffs self and Lester looks every bit as good as he ever has. Between them and a resurgent Tim Wakefield (on pace for a 10-12 win first half and a horrifying All-Star snub) and an increasingly reliable Brad Penny, our first four starters cannot be matched.

A big question will be answered tonight in John Smoltz's first start, but lets not put too much at stake if he doesn't dazzle in the spot where Dice-K's cadaver has been stored. The Smoltz issue will play out like LOST, we may get an answer tonight, but odds are, good or bad, it will open up doors to new questions. Not only is Clay Buchholtz (extremely) patiently waiting in Pawtucket but Justin Masterson can always be remolded into a starter.

Meanwhile our bullpen is unquestionably the unsung hero our the 2009 campaign so far, and one Theo and the boys should be the proudest of. While the Yankees wasted hundreds of millions (literally!) on starting pitching that has gone 11-8 with an ERA around 4, the Sox front office spent a fraction of that to acquire reliable, proven closers like Takashi Saito and Ramon Ramirez, and working on homegrown talent like Daniel Bard and Michael Bowden. Come the trading deadline you'll hear how all of the contenders are looking for bullpen arms, all of them except us.

Running down the lineup, we can all agree that we're getting unbelievable production from Jason Bay, Ellsbury, Nick Green, Youkilis, Lowell and Varitek. That leaves JD Drew who is right where we want him, Jed Lowrie who has been hurt most of the year, and Rocco Baldelli who hasn't had much chance to shine. The only two guys who haven't lived up to our astronomical expectations are Big Papi and Pedroia. Papi has been a true enigma, but recently looks like the David Ortiz of yore (the good yore, after he stunk for the Twins), and even Pedroia has begun to heat up.

Some other things to look forward to:

• Sox are 15-5 in the last seven series against five teams with records better than 500.
• Sox are 13-4 against the current 3 other AL playoff teams so far with all 4 loses coming on the West Coast. Have I mentioned we dont have to go West anymore this year?
• Sox have a pretty steady lead in the American League and since the AL doesn't lose All Star Games, we can just chalk up home field for the World Series. Oh yeah, have I mentioned that we're 25-10 at home this season?
• And last and certainly not least, there's that little matter of the Sox being 8-0 against the Yankees this year.

I'll be there tonight for game 62, rooting for the Sox with 75% of the crowd in DC, and starting to get used to this free and easy feeling. I would sum up my feelings more succinctly, but pregame beers and cornhole wait for me at Nats Stadium.

Summer Goals for Everyone

Flipping your calendar from May to June feels good in the same way crossing something off a to-do list does; while largely insignificant, its highly psychologically rewarding. June means summer and that means girls in sun dresses, the meat of the Red Sox season, Sam Summer on draft, the lowering of inhibitions, and if you're lucky enough, wearing shorts to work. Here's the thing about summer, it goes by quick if you don't make the most of it. You can fly through June-July-August like pitchers fly through the Ortiz-Varitek-Lugo part of the lineup, so lets set some goals (we can keep the bar low) in hopes to get the most of the time of the year. 

1) Drink and eat outside as much as possible. The main reason: Everything tastes better outside. Whether its a tailgate, a bbq, an outdoor table at a restaurant, a patio or rooftop bar, or a picnic (do girls read this site?) a breeze and fresh air really goes a long way. Poetically, there's definitely something serene about the absence of walls, and more practically the people watching is stellar, especially with ogle-hiding sunglasses. 

2) Catch up on a past series of television (or three). All the good stuff is over by now so take the time to pick up on something you've missed. Thanks to On Demand and DVD's there are a couple ways to make up for lost time. Some often overlooked series: AMC's Mad Men, Showtime's Californication, and my deep deep sleeper, Starz's Party Down. But by all means if you live in aWi-Fi configured cave and haven't tried Lost, Arrested Development, or How I Met Your Mother (start with season 2), now is your chance. 

3) Get active. So maybe its hot out and a run isn't feasible, but there are still lots of choices from a beer softball league to shooting hoops to playing golf without a cart. I'm gonna get preachy here for a second: I happened across the ole high school yearbook last week and we're all noticeably fatter now mainly because our outdoor activities are becoming increasingly seldom. Summer is our chance to get in better shape, maybe get a tan too. Like they say in Knocked Up, "We didn't say lose weight, I might say tighten. Just like toned and smaller." Look, this isn't an intervention but dont sleep on summer's opportunities to get out and play.

4) Go away. Ideally a road trip is the best bet because it incorporates seeing somewhere new, bonding with others, inevitable problem solving, and blasting Summer of 69 with the windows down. Miles logged are far less important than the journey itself. Road trips be themed as in ballpark tours, reunions with college buddies, golf trips, beach weekends, the Shawshank Redemption trail or sporadic, haphazard stops. Road trips work because the process is usually greater than or equal to the results and like when the pizza guy shows up on late night Cinemax, the possibilities are endless. 

5) Knock out the summer staples early. Lightning round: A lawn concert, a beach trip, a few games of cornhole, a baseball game at a new stadium, a new set of flip-flops, a summer fling (nobody likes a prude!), a messy meal of crab or lobster, a top-40 song you like wayyyyy too much, a book that wouldn't sniff a scholastic reading list, and a last-minute day off from work.

On Obama, the Sox, and Paul Pierce

On TV: I am sitting and watching the President speak right now with a steady eye on the clock. He BETTER not interrupt the 9PM viewing hour. No one who hasn't solved any huge problems is allowed to preempt a new episode of LOST. Also, why isn't he doing these impromptu speeches on Tuesdays, aka the TV graveyard? You know who this wouldn't have been a problem with? John McCain. The guy would probably have been in bed right now. I swear if this guy goes on past 9:01 I am getting a cab, heading towards the White House and [Patriot Act censor]ing his ass.

Sidenote- all of the major networks are on the Obama train right now, except for Fox. I love (LOVE!) the fact that they aren't even pretending anymore. Can you imagine the Fox exec who says, "Obama? Naw, lets go with episode of Lie to Me." Faccccccccce.

On the Red Sox: Just been great results-wise so far thanks to a steady dose of big bats from everyone except for David Ortiz. Remember this outstanding commercial? Is it remotely possible we are being duped like the Japanese right now? You don't complain about winning or after one loss following 11 wins, but if things were to go awry, I would like to think its because of our sneaky not that good pitching. These bats have really been playing the role of the Franconian bailout. 

Even though Wakefield is pulling a Benjamin Button, Lester and Beckett have been wildly inconsistent. Not great from guys we were hoping to get 35 wins from. Meanwhile Brad Penny has been wildly consistent, which is to say he's been wild and erratic. You know the phrase "Penny for your thoughts"? If I were Theo, I would trade Brad Penny for anyone's random thoughts; they wouldn't even have to be optimistic ones. BP looks uncomfortable on the mound and needs to stop throwing BP to during games. 

On Paul Pierce in last night's game 5: The guy showed all the signs of someone who ate Chili's Chicken Crispers right before the game. He played the first 40 minutes of the game slow, lazy and bloated, like his main concern wasn't draining a trey but dropping a deuce. I even texted a few friends that it seemed like he didn't care like we are used to seeing from the Truth. Then, sure enough, like all Crisper meals do, it passed in roughly two hours time, rejuvenating Pierce back into killer instinct mode. And that's what we got: a guy unencumbered by grease, batter, and double fries (cuz no one wants that gnarly cob of corn). 

I owe Paul an apology for not having faith in a man who has certainly earned as much. Also as a Chili's veteran, I should have been able to recognize that Crisper lethargy is fleeting. My bad on that one. 

Not Meant to Be

So that happened. A Mark Kotsay (questionable) strikeout, a Jason Varitek (horribly ugly) strikeout, and a Jed Lowrie sharp grounder to second marked the end of an ultimately doomed post-season run. Kinda fitting when you think about it too, because it was an unbelievably feeble lineup that marked the beginning of the end for them.

And its weird. I'm not that upset, I'm more just disappointed; I feel like my parents giving me the old high school lecture. "I expected more from you, and have realized maybe I just had too high expectations." The truth is these Red Sox hit their peak a few weeks ago, and sadly were not a championship club as currently comprised.

The biggest thing I can see looking at the team, from a step back now that the season is over, is that this team was worse than last year's team. The pitching might have been a wash, but the Sox lineup was a PG version of last year's R-Rated monster.

This watered down version was without Manny Ramirez, Mike Lowell, and one wrist of David Ortiz, or the Big Recession. Jason Varitek got worse, Jacoby Ellsbury ended up buried on the bench, and Jed Lowrie showed his cold feet. The weight of the team lay on the shoulders of just a few hitters and that doesn't cut it in crunch time. On the bright side, the playoffs gave me the idea for my Jason Varitek Roadkill Halloween costume.

It wasn't a sad ending, it wasn't a pitiful whimper into oblivion, it wasn't a heartbreak; all things it looked like it might be at one point. Goodbye is never a fun word and losing never get easy, even if you are a Clippers fan, but the Sox demise won't haunt me the way others have (2003!, 2005, 2006 recently). Plus now I have time to catch up on my Steve Harvey Show DVDs.

But when you look back at the season you can feel assured that Youkilis, Pedroia, Lester, Masterson, Dice-K, and Jason Bay all took the metaphorical next step. With them back and a hopefully re-tooled Buchholz and Lugo, a better fitting Kotsay, a healthier Lowell and Ortiz, and a maturer Ellsbury, this team can certainly wreak havoc. Lets just hope its not our our havoc that's wreaked.

The 2008 Red Sox Hostage Crisis

Look, I'm not saying that the ALCS is over, and I'm not saying I dont like Terry Francona but right now he has kidnapped the 2008 Boston Red Sox. The way he has managed the first three games makes me think he took the Rays in five, in the office pool. Now I know that Beckett's fastballs had less movement the last few weeks than John McCain's arms, that David Ortiz should be nicknamed Big Pop Up, and that it seems like Jason Varitek had to give up all of his talent in the divorce, but I think this all begins and ends with the skipper.

Usually, if Tito had kidnapped the Red Sox, he would leave a list of demands, but I've seen enough hostage movies to know that the negotiator must take charge, and the following are my list of demands to Francona, along with a message that if he just complies, this can all turn out just fine.

1) We can never bat Alex Cora and Jason Varitek next to each other in the lineup. No way, no how they are the ultimate rally killer, and like Jonah Hill says of McLovin, the anti-poon. These two are essentially automatic outs, like when girls get up to bat in summer beer softball. Varitek's superlatives all come in past tense form, and what can anyone say about Alex Cora except that he will one day make a good manager? Maybe that day should come sooner than we all think.

2) Take Mike Timlin, walk him into the players parking lot, and run him over with JD Drew's All Star MVP Chevy Tahoe. Well maybe not that, but you get my drift. I love Timlin, I am grateful for Mike Timlin, but his tenure with the Red Sox this season should have ended with the regular season. Francona is always called a players manager and its obvious this is a feel good decision that isn't so feel good anymore.

3) Jon Lester should have been removed today in the fourth inning and slated to start game six. Everyone has bad games but why are we keeping him around to waste pitches today. This game screamed for a Paul Byrd innings eater. If Lester had stayed under 60 pitches, he could have easily pitched on short rest in game 6. Not anymore, 96 pitches. Why?

4) Jacoby Ellsbury should be bunting, and not off his forehead. I don't know what his 0-fer streak is at right now but you gotta try anything you can to shake a slump. Ellsbury's repertoire of 300-foot flyballs helps no one. Put the ball on the ground Willie Mays Hayes or else get comfortable being a pinch runner.

5) Sometimes a sacrifice is an out worth giving up. Especially with most of our guys Ice Age cold right now, why can't we give up an out to move a runner up. I know that you don't change horses midstream and that we aren't a team that gives up outs but maybe you shake up the pot a little bit. Otherwise the only guys who are hitting (Pedroia, Bay, Kotsay) will stop seeing pitches all together.

6) Please refuse all mid-inning interviews. Unless contractually obligated, which would make no sense, please stop talking to Chip Carey and Buck Martinez mid-inning. You don't shed any light on any aspects of baseball and you do not help our team win by taking 5 minutes off, which I am pretty sure, is why we're all here. Plus those guys are atrocious at broadcasting games, a growing trend in baseball broadcasting.

7) Learn from past mistakes. In game One you left Dice-K in for the start of the eighth. Even though he had been spectacular, he was showing signs of fatigue, was way over pitch count, and was letting more guys to first base than the slutty girl at a sweet 16 party. Dice-K should've only seen the eighth inning from the dugout or locker room, with a bag of ice on his shoulder. We don't need another Grady Little situation, I won't see this team go down like that again. Trust your bullpen, which mostly has been exceptional in the past few weeks (for exception to rule, see demand 2).

Mr. Francona, please please let the team go. It's only 2-1 Rays, we've come back from more. No one wants to get hurt here and no one has to. If we work together we can make it all better. We're always told that baseball players need short memories in times of struggle, and we too can forgive and forget. You have a contract through 2011 so there will be no ransom paid, now GIVE ME BACK MY TEAM.

Not Not Untitled Field Trip: Heckling Manny at Nationals Park

Sometimes you gotta be careful what you wish for. I learned that when I said that I wanted no part of Jason Bay and that the Red Sox were waving a white flag by trading Manny. I also learned that again last night when I went, with a few friends, to go heckle Manny Ramirez and Dodgers when they came to DC to face the Nationals.

It was a grand plan. A buncha beers, front row seats in left field, and a list of Spanish swears were what I was counting on, to try to get into Manny Ramirez's head. I knew realistically that penetrating Manny's mind would be a difficult task without pegging him with a javelin from the stands (a measure I wasn't willing to take for the sake of Sox pride). What I had forgotten though was Manny's propensity for playing drastically shallow in left field, so shallow that our left field box seats were not close enough to reach him with our voices.

And we tried. We tried when he came back to the wall to watch homeruns go over his head, we tried when he hustled over to snag a line drive in the gap, we tried when he was playing catch between innings. Thanks to some Miller Lite confidence, we shouted and shouted and I dont think he heard much, if anything. Instead of letting him know we didn't miss him and that he was a ducha perezosa (lazy douche) or a mierda arrogante (arrogant shit) we were forced to heckle Dodgers' bullpen members like Jason Johnson and Joe Beimel who probably haven't spoken more than four words to Manny either.

What Manny did do was homer in our faces, and make a couple nice plays near us. The sole satisfaction (besides seeing Christian Guzman hit for the cycle) was that the Dodgers got shelled by the lowly Nats and are on the outside looking in at the playoffs. It would be nicer though if I thought that Manny was actually disappointed.

Let's Make it a Blockbuster Night

Asking whether or not the Red Sox should trade Manny Ramirez is a shortsighted and incomplete question; there is no right or wrong answer. The realistic question to ask is how much do the Red Sox need to re-coop for them to give away a first ballot Hall of Famer, our 2004 World Series MVP. 

While it's clear that he's losing it upstairs in the control center, it's not fair to suggest he's losing much on his swing. Whether we like it or not, our offense runs through Manny as much as any teams offense runs through a single player. You want Ortiz to see strikes again? Better keep Manny in that clean up spot. Dont wanna lose more than 100 runs of production and a clutch October bat from your lineup? Better keep Manny in the clean up spot.

Current reports are that the Red Sox are talking to the Marlins about stripping Manny down and selling him for parts. This is so dumb that Jerry Remy rallied against this tonight before talking about himself. I think making this move would be the equivalent of waving a white flag and starting to plan early fall vacations. HELLO McFLY!!! We're just behind Tampa and we're leading the Wild Card race. 

Now here comes the curveball... I think there is a good option for a Manny trade, a trade we can make and still defend our World Series championship. A trade that I haven't heard mentioned anywhere yet (as of 7:50 PM): why not trade Manny for Ichiro? Both are outfielders who are on-again off-again disgruntled with their teams. Both are outfielders who are very highly paid. Both are outfielders who can be championship pieces (maybe not this year for the Mariners but they should be better soon). And both are outfielders who can be identified by just one name. 

If the Sox and M's can work out a salary match for the two players (Manny apparently demands that his 2 club options be thrown out so he can work to sign a 4-year $100 million deal and Ichiro is on the books until 2012 at $17 million per), I believe this is a tailor made deal. Both teams shake up their rosters by giving up their franchise guy, yet don't lose talent or star-power. Ichiro would feel at home in Boston with Dice-K and and Okajima and Manny would feel at home because we could just tell him Seattle is close to New York City and he wouldn't know any better. 

The drawback to Ichiro is that he is old (signed for 5 more years!!) and can't match Manny's power numbers. Yet he makes us better in the field though and speedier on the basepaths.  Plus how could you not want him after reading this? The drawback for the Mariners is they lose a fan favorite and guy who rarely sits out. However they get some power into a dreary lineup and add a player who can sell tickets and t-shirts almost as quickly as Ichiro (the deal would obviously hinge on Manny extending with the Mariners after this year). 

At the Fens, Ichiro would own the right field corner and moving JD Drew to left wouldn't be a significant drop off from Manny, once he learned the Green Monster caroms (someone get me Mike Greenwell stat!). The Red Sox are still viable contenders with a lineup of Ichiro, Pedroia, Ortiz, Youk, JD, Lowell, Tek, Lugo, and Ellsbury. The Mariners with Manny next year and the boatloads of young talent with him, can compete in the AL West next year (plus have tons of money to go after others, with Ichiro off the books).

I feel like the wingman on the greatest potential set up in history, I just have to get the Mariners and the Red Sox in the same bar. 

Top 10 Things of the First Half of Summer (June - Mid July)

Summer is half over and I haven't left DC much, but that doesn't mean it hasn't been good. In my 5th straight DC summer, I have been introduced to some new things, found some other gems on my own, and re-established contact with a couple other old favorites. Here's the top 10 things of the summer, part 1, as I've embraced them chronologically.


MLB Extra Innings Package
Technically I had this in April and May but it has been my second favorite thing on TV (not counting Around the Horn) these days. For those keeping score at home, first thing not technically a summer thing, we're a rocky start but... Not only can I watch Red Sox games nightly, but I can also check in with my fantasy baseball crushes like Evan Longoria and Geovanny Soto at the same time. I used to get excited to watch the hometown NESN feed, but that "gift" has become more of a pandora's box with the ®emdog at the helm. Still, summer feels more like summer with the Sox on in the background during dinner.

Beer Softball
So I've played in a bunch of intramural leagues in DC since graduating (kickball, a few basketball leagues) but this was my first softball experience. Going in I knew about half the players on the team and assumed my skill level might be enough to get by; basically just hoped that the entire experience was decent. Turns out its been the highlight of the summer. I get to look forward to some good, healthy competition and subsequent weekday belligerence once a week. The games are fun and the teammates even better (one guy bagged a 46-year old cougar postgame!). We take turns bringing 30's to the field like soccer moms bringing oranges on gamedays. What could be bad?

Leinenkugels
I have to give all the credit here to my roommate Meghan, who introduced me to the citrus-y goodness of Leinenkugels Sunset Wheat Beer. This may have displaced Sam Summer Ale for official beer of summer. I am not sure what the circulation of this beer is but I feel like if this is all you get from me this year, it will be well worth plodding through the rest of my crap. I've even included the logo here for you too find it at the local watering hole. If you like Blue Moon, there is no question this is for you. Go buy a six-pack and I promise you'll like it and if not, I will take the rest off your hands.

Tacklebox
Tacklebox is also a Meghan pearl of wisdom, and for those who don't know about it, its a new restaurant in Georgetown. Basically its like every little clam shack on the way to the Cape, but with a Georgetown attitude, decor, and price (nobody's perfect). I've only been once, but based on reviews by others, I can vouch for it. First of all, best french fries in DC. Secondly, great lobster roll, great friend clam roll, and awesome asparagus (that's all I've had there). No doubt that the summer Cape feeling is part of the glory at 3245 M St.

HBO's Movie Line Up
Oceans 13, Knocked Up, The Simpsons Movie, Shrek the Third, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix are just a few of the many premiers HBO has given us so far this summer. They're calling it the Billion-Dollar or Million-Dollar Summer or something and so far its lived up to the billing, whatever it is. These movies don't replace the absence of summer regular Entourage, but are perfect for hung over Saturdays, a staple thus far. I like Ocean's 13 the most so far but just having the options make Netflix seem unnecessary.

Pat Green
Most people know Pat Green for singing "Wave on Wave," a country music radio standard and generally awesome tune. My love for "Wave" fooled me to getting tickets for a Pat Green concert at a small venue near my apartment, before I realized I only knew a couple other songs. Thanks to a CD from my brother played on repeat for a couple weeks, I ended up getting into Pat Green in a big way. "Baby Doll", "Cannonball", and "Texas in My Mind" are all rated 5-stars on my iPod now. Granted I dont remember most of the show (consider me THAT DRUNK GUY) and I can't remember what songs he played, I also can't remember not having an awesome time... did that make sense?

Bringing Back Asshole

This old favorite entered my life again during the Pat Green night, you could even convince me he opened for Pat. We also got a game going July 4th, and a few blurry times in between. Let's face it: there was a reason we learned this card game first. It was the most fun and the easiest way to go from sober to stumbling without a funnel. Asshole makes me think of high school summer nights just like McGolf and the Industrial Park basketball court.

Angelina Jolie's Semi-Nude Scene in Wanted
I can't find a screenshot on google no matter how much I search... and I've searched enough that carpal tunnel might be a looming issue. This partial picture is the best I could do for you. But between that scene and the insane action scenes (Wanted is like The Matrix in how revolutionary it is compared to its predecesors) this movie is worth deferring student loans so you can afford a ticket and then come back for a few encores. That is if you like lower back tattoos, breath-taking heinies, and crazy shoot-em up scenes.

Wipeout

The answer to the question: what is my favorite thing on TV these days? See this entry. Since then things have only gotten better.

The New Nationals Stadium

It's just a quick green line trek from my hood (road soda recommended) to the ballpark, and a five dollar ticket will get you through the gate and your choice of 30,000 unclaimed seats. With a monstrous HD jumbo-tron, more food choices than a cruiseship, and the possibility of a no hitter every game thanks to National League offense, you can't go wrong. The park has received a little too much early praise but it is a great park with even more potential. And even though the Nats suck, they keep the capacity and ticket prices manageable for us young professionals who have no money left because we spent it on beer at the park the last time we came. Seven fifty for a beer? I guess they lost their "privilege" to sell High Life.

Jerry Remy Day... You Gotta Be Kidding Me

If there was a blog called "Things Red Sox Fans Like," the list would include Sweet Caroline, Yankees suck chants at any event with more than 9 people, Jerry Remy, and not admitting to liking Fever Pitch, amongst others. I have a problem with that list; I dont know if I am supposed to (or even allowed to) say this aloud, but I dont like Jerry Remy.

I didn't always have this contrarian view, and I'm not just trying to be one of those annoying activists with a revolving door of issues; I plain dont like the way he influences my Red Sox television viewing experience (and before you say anything about me not getting to watch NESN broadcasts because I live in DC, let me warn you that I have the MLB Extra Innings package so I get all the home games Remy/Orsillo-style).

Here's what positive things Jerry Remy brings to the broadcast table: great knowledge of the Red Sox, good back and forth with Orsillo and Title 9 Sideline Reporter du-jour Hazel Mae/Tina Cervasio/Heidi Watney, and some semblence of the game from a players perspective (he played 2B). He's also brought an undeniable Remy-flavor to broadcasts (and I'm not just talking about that great mustache and accent). And for all the Remy hating I spew, I want to be equal opportunity in commending NESN for upgrading "Why the long face?" Cervasio with Heidi Watney... mmmm.

Here's the problems with those positive things, they are overshadowed by the other Jerry Remy, which we can call ®emy. And by ®emy, I mean the fact that most of the game, is spent talking about the hundreds of lucrative opportunities that the ®em-Dawg can offer members of Red Sox Nation® (and even us regular Red Sox fans who didn't pony up $14.95 for the lowest form of membership).

Lets start with Red Sox Nation. Here's what becoming an official citizen of the Nation gets you: lots of presale opportunities for Red Sox seats (including the opener in Japan!!), lots of raffles for Red Sox seats, a 10% discount at the team store, an e-newsletter, a bumper sticker, a citizens membership card. And the truly crazy thing about all this is that if you wanted to buy the premium versions of Red Sox Nation, you cant. They are all sold out. People can rip pink Red Sox caps all they want, but to me, this is infinately more ludicrous.

While ®emy is the President of Red Sox Nation (thanks to a 2007 season of campaigning during broadcasts; dont get me started), I do not blame him for this lame sales technique, its just one of his extra-curicular focuses instead of color commentary. When ®emy is done plugging the Nation like its a leaking levee, its time for the other services that the ®em-Dawg can provide.

Besides the microphone, under the ®em-Dawg corporate umbrella also lies: a Rem-Dawg hot dog stand on Yawkee Way (and another one coming soon to Logan Airport), a book Watching Baseball, two children's books Hello Wally and Wally the Green Monster and His Journey Through Red Sox Nation (you can't make this up), and The Remy Report website. I have to add this after a quick perusal of the Remy Report: you (even YOU!!) can buy a copy of Jerry's ACTUAL scorecard from the Manny 500th HR game, autographed by Jerry Remy for only $17.95!! Apparently he's even more concerned with moy-chendizing than the Schwartz in Spaceballs.

But what happens in the fourth inning when the ®em-Dawg has already mentioned all of these opportunities twice? Have no fear Nation members, its time for Orsillo to shoulder the load of play-by-play and color while Jerry Remy scans the crowd for signs with his name on it. I only blame him for half of this, with the other part of the blame spread amongst the morons from Nashua, NH, Bangor, ME, and Killington, VT. Somehow these people feel it is a better idea to go to a game with a sign made for an announcer rather than for a member of the team they are going to support. I cant wait til they sell Remy Red Sox shirts... oh, nevermind.

Maybe my convictions against the ®em-Dawg are so strong because I know I am swimming upstream. When I have voiced this concernt to friends and colleagues before, it is usually rebutted with laughs and insults, both of which I am ready for. It seems another response is "Name a set of local announcers you'd rather have." I am also ready for that response. In DC we are privy to two baseball teams on local TV, the Nationals and the Orioles. While the DC booth kinda sorta stinks, I would rather have the Orioles booth in a heartbeat. Jim Palmer and Gary Thorne are a solid, knowledgable duo who take their duties of broadcasting the game seriously. I'm sure there are others that are better than the NESN duo.

Problem is that its not just my dumb friends. He has become so popular that yesterday (6-24) was officially bestowed Jerry Remy Day in Boston, by Mayor Tom Menino (luckily for him, I dont vote in Massachusetts anymore). I would rather have a Dave Roberts day, a Dropkick Murphys day, or even a "that funny Crunch N Munch guy" day. You gotta be kidding me...

®emy has let his broadcast responsibilities fall by the wayside and has become too comfortable to work on improving. His immense popularity paired with his lucrative (and I can objectively say, brilliant) businesses has made him apathetic about job performance and I think the NESN subscriber should demand more. Please tell me where Dustin Pedroia likes his pitches instead of when he'll be at your next event. Tell me how this team is different than the Sox team you were on, not about how to get my own Wally the Green Monster beanie-baby (with adirondack chair!!). We have demanded more from our hometown teams and look what is has yielded; let's stop giving the ®em-Dawg a pass for his mediocrity.

Not Not Untitled Field Trip: Red Sox at Camden Yards

On Friday night I was presented with a choice. It wasn't exactly Grady Little deciding between Pedro or the bullpen, but it more substantial than boxers versus boxer-briefs. This particular decision was between going to Baltimore for a Red Sox game at Camden or staying in and watching the Celtics potentially punch their ticket to the NBA Finals (and the Red Sox game).

The Quick Pros for the Sox Game made the decision easy:
+Josh Beckett pitching
+Manny Ramirez sitting on 499 HRs
+Great weather for a ballgame (80 and sunny)
+I still look 18 and can use my college ID for discounted tickets
+I'm starting to dislike watching these schizophrenic Celtics

Anyway the "decision" was made and I left work a little early to get on a train to the Chesapeake State. By 5:20 I was in Baltimore, had thrown on my Papelbon WS07 jersey, and quickly got a ticket. (Not so quick Tangent- So I am standing in the ticket line and a man in a Red Sox jersey comes up to me holding a ticket. Assuming he was trying to scalp me a ticket, I sorta shrugged him off. However he persisted and explained that his family had an extra they were gonna give away and figured since I had a Sox jersey on, I was the best candidate. He didn't want any money for it, and just said to stop by the seats during the game, buy him a beer and we'd be cool. Yadda yadda yadda, I wound up pretty buzzed by first pitch and fully drunk by the 3rd inning, enough to completely forget about my thirsty comrade. Totally a mistake on my part and I still feel horribly about it. Here's a family man with enough faith in people to give some guy a ticket, and I blew it. This is not an excuse; it was totally inexcusable and I hope karma isn’t as fickle of a bitch as fate is. And yes that is plagiarized from Lost.)

So here's the thing about Red Sox games at Camden, they're basically home games. The crowds are equal part red and orange, but the red is louder, prouder, and stays til the end. And the place where this is most evident is the pregame party.

Three bars in a line with full service outside and a temporary suspension of open container laws, Red Sox shirts and beers as far as the eye can see, and tents with freshly grilled ballpark meats. It feels like it could be Yawkee way if it Yawkee was more fun. Its three parties in one; three songs blasting from three stereos, three beer specials, three places to spit game at cute girls in Sox caps, three places that feel more like home than anything else in a 500 mile vicinity. For good measure today, there are lots of Celtics jerseys in preparation for the Game 6 closeout.

You can easy lose perspective of the scene when you’re standing in the middle of it all. To step back out of the mob is to admire the colossal glory and the magnitude of the event. Somehow only blocks away, we are emotionally miles away from the Baltimore portrayed in The Wire. Different grills, different hustles, different corners.

I met up with my friends here and walked back into the huddle that smells like barbeque and beer, looks like the party you always hope your party turns into, and sounds like R's disapperaing from vernacular. (It also sounds like a mix of Kanye’s Stronger and Guns N’ Roses’ Sweet Child o’ Mine, a surprisingly complimentary mix.) A few more beers each, a couple hot dogs, and a great game of trash can jenga later, and we’re ready for the game.

Inside the still-young Camden Yards makes your mind wander to the 8th circle of daydream hell: why a new Fenway might not be so bad. Tonight we’re sitting in the 200s, which is the first overhang along the third base line. We have the option of a waitstaff (unused), better food (used), and shorter beer lines (used and used). I wont continue with the boring details of the game (by far the lamest part of the night) and skip to our 10th inning decision to leave the game and head back to the pregame bars so we can watch the ending of the Celtics at the same time as the end of the Sox.

I don’t have to tell you how this one ended. Karma didn’t strike for my lack of good-will reciprocation and within the hour, the bar was chanting "Beat LA." I could have convinced myself that I had stepped through the Lost wormhole and returned to 1984 Boston. These were followed by some R-rated cheers, a round of Sam Adams pints, and some of the most inspired chest bumps I’ve ever witnessed from white people.

And that was my night in Baltimore-upon-Boston. I felt at home in a relatively strange city, stared down karma and didn’t blink, and enjoyed a male on male chest bump a little too much. Pretty memorable night.

My Favorite Mistake

I woke up this morning with an odd feeling; I couldn’t place it. I knew it was a feeling I’ve woken up with before. Immediately it felt a lot like regret, and after four years of college I knew the how to check for the warning signs of a bad late-night decision. A quick walkthrough of my apartment and I realized I was alone BUT there were some empties on the coffee table.

The mystery in the air could be cleared up with one final test: the checking of the cell phone. Who did I call or text last night in the wee hours or morn (Technological patent idea- I wish my phone had a Breathalyzer device on it like DUI offenders get on their cars. Where I must blow less than a .08 to place a call or text). When I got to the inbox, it all made sense:

Received at 1:01am from Brother: I cant breathe right now. Gagne? Whyyy?
Sent at 1:06am to Brother: Did Jon Lester die? Why is Gagne coming in?
Received at 1:13am from Brother: I cant watch this anymore, its not healthy.

And so I was right and wrong. It was a late night mistake, egregious to the very core. It was a familiar mistake, although not the kind I was expecting.

Why was this happening? Terry Francona isn’t stupid; we always talk about how he’s a good coach. Yet Francona brought in Eric Gagne in the 11th inning with guys like Jon Lester, Javier Lopez staying cold in the bullpen. Granted both Lester and Lopez stunk, but they were brought in with inherited runners and against Indians who had momentum up the Wahoo.

Gagne had less chance to succeed than the gawd-awful looking movie The Comebacks. First, he had pitched the night before against the same first two batters he was faced last night. Why would we give them a pitcher they had just seen? Second, he had throw 25 pitches the night before, allowing a hit and walking two. Thirdly, what has he done for us this season? Not much besides allowing runs in 7 of 20 appearances and sporting a 6.75 ERA and a WHIP over 1.8. He sucks, the end.

Meanwhile, I remember the pangs of this mistake in the past. On September 18, the Red Sox, or should I say Eric Gagne, blew a game to Toronto, during the pennant chase. After the game, Francona defended his decision to bring in Gagne (who let up walk, single, walk, walk, double in the loss) over Papelbon by saying that he had to find out if he could trust Gagne in the end of the season. Don’t believe me? Check it out.

So who is to blame? Gagne doesn’t just blow games now, he blows, period. For Francona it’s a "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" situation. I don’t know who is worse.

However I am a solutions-oriented guy so lets finish vomiting, rinse with mouthwash and move on. Besides hoping that momentum hasn’t complete shifted in the series, the Red Sox can only make one logical move. Thanks to a new rule this year, teams can remove a player from its roster and replace him. The caveat is that the replaced player may not return for the next series, if the team moves on. With that said, goodbye Gagne, welcome back Bryan Corey. The easiest way to stop those late night mistakes is making that person impossible to call on, lets remove Gagne from our contacts, from our bullpen.