Is Dwight Howard Over-Rated?

Dwight Howard has become an iconic NBA figure with his monstrous dunks, Superman costume, and childlike enjoyment of the game. Its always hard to crap on a guy you like (and I really like Howard and his swagger), but isn't Dwight Howard overrated?

Looking at the Celtics Magic series its hard not to see him that way, especially looking back at game five. I know Howard is a dependable double-double every night of the season; I know he fills out every inch and pound of his 6' 11", 265 pound frame; I know his dunks can make you involuntarily rise from your seat. However its the things Howard can't do that have left the bigger impression on me.

The biggest problem is that he can't score in an offensive set, at least not with Kendrick Perkins and Glen Davis guarding him. His game fiver effectiveness was minimal, even worse than his stat line says: 37 minutes, 5-10 FG, 17 reb, 4 TOs, 12 points. Let's start with Dwight Howard's meager 12 points, which came on five baskets. Three of those five hoops came on offensive rebound putbacks or fastbreak dunks, meaning 40 percent of his baskets (only two hoops in 37 minutes!!!) came from offensive sets. Here's who else had two baskets in offensive sets: Brian Scalabrine. Here's who had five baskets in offensive sets: Stephon Marbury. (And in case you were wondering, of his 31 field goals, only 20 of them are from offensive sets, making him pretty harmless in a halfcourt set.) Seems to me that a solid box out from Perk (6'10" 280 lbs) or Big Baby (6'9" 285 lbs) would cut his already limited offense by about a third.

Howard called out Stan Van Gundy after game five for not getting him the ball enough especially down the stretch. Again, another Howard boo-boo. While Van Gundy looked like MacGruber trying to get the bomb out of the missile silo during the fourth quarter, Howard's lack of touches ranks extremely low on the list of errors (listing said mistakes would put me over my imaginary word count).

Now you might counter that Dwight Howard is known for his defense too, and that's a good point since he was the defensive player of the year. Howard's 11 blocks are the same number that Perkins has had in less time. He may have the edge in steals but Howard's shot changing ability is apparently matched by our rarely praised center. Oh and don't forget Howard's turnover margin is disastrous, with Rondo being the only Celtic dishing out more mistakes than him.

In the end, clearly a team that has Dwight Howard is lucky to have him, but in this playoff series I am underwhelmed. He should have been the one major advantage the Magic have over the Celtics, especially with Garnett on the sideline, and yet has been neutralized by Perk. We're talking about a guy who was first team All-NBA against a guy who was our worst starter heading into the playoffs. I'm sure Van Gundy's game plan isn't helping him, but eventually a star exerts himself on the game, instead of the letting the game exert itself on him.

Cant Win Em All

Statistical truth: Its very hard to win a basketball game when your opponent shoots lights out from the three point line in the first half and you are running on tired legs. That's not an excuse, its a statistical truth. It's also hard to win a basketball game when your two players who step it up the most are Brian Scalabrine and Stephon Marbury. (Seriously how great was Scalabrine? His intensity on defense and hustle and knack for open shots on offense was the driving force behind the Celtics second half energy.)

The good news? For a team that looked fairly overmatched for most of the game, the C's kept it close, kept it interesting, and kept the faith. We can look at it as something to build on or something to pack up after. "Get busy living or get busy dying, you damn right." If we had let the Magic continue that early second half beatdown, it would have been easy to quit or say the Bulls series was enough. Basically the team could have pulled a Shaughnessy. Instead they stared down the deficit and the deficit blinked. Now this series doesn't seem so daunting.

Four simple tactical changes that could turn the series real quickly:

1) Take advantage of the mismatches on offense. Ray Allen wasn't great but you have to work him on Reddick more than we did. Calling Reddick a defensive liability is like calling swine flu a medical inconvenience. Same goes with opening the floor for Rondo against Alston; let Dwight Howard sink down and open up shorties for Perk and Big Baby. When you dictate the play, advantage you.

2) Go at the basket. In the first half we didn't and because of it we were down by 18 at the half, didn't shoot a single free throw, and the Magic committed only three team fouls. In the second half we did go at the hoop and drew fouls, were awarded free throws, and made legitimate scoring runs.

3) Intangibles, intangibles, intangibles. We have edges in playoff experience, game closers, and intensity. We're the defending champs, which doesn't score you any extra points on the scoreboard, but adds motivation and pride. And maybe the biggest edge we have is in team chemistry, although the five drunk yuppies singing "Just a Friend" in the Heineken commercial seem to have more chemistry than Magic starters. By the way that commercial kicks ass and sends a good message; they can't show it enough.

4) Take Big Baby out after three fouls with 11 seconds left in the half. It's that easy. And while we're here, no more big men wasting fouls on shoddy picks, reach ins, or soft and-one fouls.

5) Manage the runs. Call it the Pepto-Bismol strategy but this game was won by the team that was able to withstand the other team's offensive runs, and the Magic 3-point surges outlasted ours. It starts with Rondo being less haphazard with the ball when we're streaking and also means not getting frustrated if Pietrus and Alston hit a few buckets in a row (by the end of the game the Magic shot only 33% from downtown). Finally, it means taking advantage of a coach commonly dubbed a "Master of Panic" by his own players.

Let's stay positive. We were down 0-1 to the Bulls too, and by now we know that this is a marathon, not a sprint.

Crush of the Week: Lizzy Caplan

New feature here at Not Not Untitled, a little something I like to call Crush of the Week. This is a way to document all of the eye-catching girls I see on a weekly basis and immediately forget. You can call me a missionary because I am trying to spread the good word of a pretty face.

Meet Lizzy Caplan, or I should say re-meet Lizzy Caplan, the first ever documented crush of the week. You may remember Lizzy from role as Janis Ian from Mean Girls. Remember that premonition that something cute was hiding behind the gothed out potential lesbian? Well you were right and the proof lies in Lizzy's newest role as Casey in Starz's outstanding (and under-appreciated) new series Party Down.

Casey is a girl you could really get hung up on, with her girl next door looks, snarky charm, and fake attainability, and I have a feeling Lizzy doesn't have to strain to hard to pull that off (By the way, Party Down is downright hilarious and must watch for a Starz subscriber. Think The Office set at a Hollywood catering company, but actually funny). In interviews, she comes across as down to earth and low maintenance, traits hard to find individually in Hollywood women.

Some other credits: Marlena in JJ Abrams' Cloverfield and a brief role on HBO's True Blood last summer.

And a few more bonus points for Lizzy: Did you know she lives next to Audrina from The Hills? Also Wikipedia says that she's a reform Jew and that she named her cat, Lisa Turtle, all things I can deal with. In conclusion, Lizzy Caplan, we salute you as Crush of the Week, and maybe one day when we're dating we can look back at this whole thing and laugh.

On Obama, the Sox, and Paul Pierce

On TV: I am sitting and watching the President speak right now with a steady eye on the clock. He BETTER not interrupt the 9PM viewing hour. No one who hasn't solved any huge problems is allowed to preempt a new episode of LOST. Also, why isn't he doing these impromptu speeches on Tuesdays, aka the TV graveyard? You know who this wouldn't have been a problem with? John McCain. The guy would probably have been in bed right now. I swear if this guy goes on past 9:01 I am getting a cab, heading towards the White House and [Patriot Act censor]ing his ass.

Sidenote- all of the major networks are on the Obama train right now, except for Fox. I love (LOVE!) the fact that they aren't even pretending anymore. Can you imagine the Fox exec who says, "Obama? Naw, lets go with episode of Lie to Me." Faccccccccce.

On the Red Sox: Just been great results-wise so far thanks to a steady dose of big bats from everyone except for David Ortiz. Remember this outstanding commercial? Is it remotely possible we are being duped like the Japanese right now? You don't complain about winning or after one loss following 11 wins, but if things were to go awry, I would like to think its because of our sneaky not that good pitching. These bats have really been playing the role of the Franconian bailout. 

Even though Wakefield is pulling a Benjamin Button, Lester and Beckett have been wildly inconsistent. Not great from guys we were hoping to get 35 wins from. Meanwhile Brad Penny has been wildly consistent, which is to say he's been wild and erratic. You know the phrase "Penny for your thoughts"? If I were Theo, I would trade Brad Penny for anyone's random thoughts; they wouldn't even have to be optimistic ones. BP looks uncomfortable on the mound and needs to stop throwing BP to during games. 

On Paul Pierce in last night's game 5: The guy showed all the signs of someone who ate Chili's Chicken Crispers right before the game. He played the first 40 minutes of the game slow, lazy and bloated, like his main concern wasn't draining a trey but dropping a deuce. I even texted a few friends that it seemed like he didn't care like we are used to seeing from the Truth. Then, sure enough, like all Crisper meals do, it passed in roughly two hours time, rejuvenating Pierce back into killer instinct mode. And that's what we got: a guy unencumbered by grease, batter, and double fries (cuz no one wants that gnarly cob of corn). 

I owe Paul an apology for not having faith in a man who has certainly earned as much. Also as a Chili's veteran, I should have been able to recognize that Crisper lethargy is fleeting. My bad on that one. 

Prison Break Running Diary

Including myself, there are only three people I know who still care about Prison Break, Fox's television drama that premiered more than three years ago. Originally a fun, cool new show, PB quickly jumped the shark once the writers had Scofield and crew, predictably, break out of prison midway through season two. Since, PB has ambled two more season through re-incarceration and second break, a fake decapitation, whilst the main characters change teams more often than Theo Ratliff. Understandably most viewers quit shortly after the writers and continuity producers did, thus the current PB final run. Last week's episode, "The Mother Lode" was tremendously horrific that I decided I couldn't let another episode go unrecorded. So without further ado, the running play-by-play AND color commentary of PB episode "Vs."

0:01- We open with a sniper given the green light to shoot Lincoln, what could go wrong, right? Well how about Michael Rappaport just so happening to see said sniper as Lincoln walks behind a tree... phew that was a close one.

0:02- Sniper in shootout with Mahone, who's now on the roof. Oddly sniper isn't such a good shot.

0:05- Sarah's oddly timed panic attack is just a potential preggo scare. We have to see her holding a pregnancy test because, lets be honest, her acting isn't conveying anything... ever.

0:11- I hate, HATE those commercials where they offer to buy someone a computer if they can find a good one under $1500. Why does the mom act shocked to be getting a free computer at the end when they told her "you find it, you keep it"? Are PB writers moonlighting for ad reps?

0:15- Linc arguing with Mahone, T-bags, and Rappaport about how to acquire Sylla. The last month or two of this show is just varying permutations of this same scene, over and over. And these guys have less chemistry than the Yankees clubhouse.

0:15- Mahone just happens to stumble upon Michael and Sarah in downtown Miami. I'm sure its a small city though. 

0:18- Apparently "The Company" which uses intricate ciphers and codes, also leaves behind clues that are google-able. Michael and Sarah have a lead... I wonder if this will take them to a showdown with Linc and the boys. 

0:19- So the guys arrive at the embassy in India. Guess the writers didn't feel like researching whether or not there is an Indian embassy in Miami. Spoiler alert: there's not.

0:21- T-bags distraction is a diatribe with the security guard at the "embassy." His rants are hilarious.  Did you know elephant dung could be processed into parchment? 

0:26- A painting of Taj Mahal is prominently placed in a scene. Is it possible that they wanted to allude back to the model Michael built for the warden in season one? No way did they think of that, right?

0:29- Mrs. Scofield is offering technology to India that would "catapult [India] 50 years ahead of its time," leading me to wonder why the US government would just be hiding it from the world.

0:33- Commerical for Cisco that includes the actor who places "The General" singing "I Will Survive." So much for him being scary, and nice job Fox's ad sales team.

0:38- A captured Linc, Mahone, and Rappaport are brought into an office and told "Move an inch and I will kill you" and then left alone, unguarded. It must be nice for the show's writers to not have to care about job performance. 

0:39- The guys leave the room. 

0:39- Oh yeah, also that well run business meeting to sell the contents of Sylla? Well they just happened to forget their post-it note detailing the next step of the plan. Showdown at the airport coming!!!

0:41 Scofield's mom just called him unintentionally and knew his voice after not seeing him since childhood. I'm sure baby Michael had that deep voice though.

0:43- Two white men pull up to airport in a black SUV; Michael and Sarah know they are badguys coming for them. I believe they call that racial profiling.

0:49- Big car chase at the airport, Sarah versus Company agents. I'm sure no one will notice.

0:50- Michael and Sarah about to be shot execution style on the tarmac. Saved last second by Mahone and a sniper rifle. Sets up a Michael Linc reunion. Linc and crew steal the hostage and bad acting steals the scene. 

0:55- T-bag deep in thought, clearly contemplating turning on the guys, his go to move. The makeup person who designed the gashes on his face clearly put one on that looks a little too much like a vagina. Not saying, just saying.

0:57- In a not shocking turn of events, T-bags gives up the guys plan to The General. I'm thinking someone won't be surviving. 

0:59- Another trip to the can for Sarah and this time the reveal of a positive preggo test. Tears: joy or sadness? 

1:00- Rappaport and Mahone believe Sandinsky's story even though, we the viewer, knows its a lie. Apparently an former FBI agent and former homeland security agent can't discern a phony backstory. That's comforting, Fox.

1:01- A not-so-subtle smile by our new con, Sandinsky, and we get the scary PB theme, andddd SCENE. As usual, job barely done.