Why So Serious?

There's a growing trend in sitcoms and I'm taking a stand.


Last night How I Met Your Mother, currently clubhouse leader for sitcoms, ended its season with a proposal from Ted Mosby, its lead character. If that wasn't enough, Barney, legen-DARY womanizer, decided to fall in love with Robin. In fact, the last few episodes of HIMYM, followed a "lets get serious about relationships" arc that I don't much care for. I know the show is eventually headed down a path towards marriage (as we figure out who the mother is) but unless the producers are only figuring one more season, I think they are jumping the gun here.


Take a look back to recent sitcoms and how the whole "Lets marry off our funny/cool/interesting" characters and see how it goes:

• Friends- Lambaste the show if you want, but when critics and ratings are both so strongly in favor, its useless to dissent. In a mostly post-Seinfeld sitcom world, Friends was king. It had a simple premise, great writing, and outstanding character relationships... that was until the dreaded season 7 finale, The One with Chandler and Monica's Wedding. This watershed moment changed all of the chemistry and dynamics of the group. The Joey-Chandler relationship was dunzo. The Monica and the girls relationship, c'est la vie. Chandler was less snarky, not as nebbish, and stopped goofing around, all the things that made him great. Instead of 6 friends hanging out, episodes would be 3 sets of 2 friends and their "hilarious" hijinx.

• Scrubs- From season 2 until season 6, Scrubs was my favorite show because Bill Lawrence, the show creator and lead writer, found a way to be goofy and light-hearted while telling some serious hospital stories. Scrubs was my favorite 30-minutes of the week during this time, as it delivered almost every week. The JD and Turk friendship (best shown in the My Musical episode Guy Love song) was genuine and fresh and wasn't spoiled by Turk's serious relationship, because Lawrence made sure that for Turk, JD always came first. However, Lawrence couldn't stay true to guy love once Turk and Carla had a baby (Season 6 aka the Tipping Point) and at this point, Scrubs' tomfoolery and witty shenanigans took a backseat to the serious reality of being a parent. Since then, and through this season's finale, Scrubs has become borderline unwatchable. Turk isn't fun loving anymore, JD has also recently become a father also and **SPOILER ALERT** he stinks now too. (I never thought I'd say this but Braff's JD character is a distant fourth to JD Drew, JD Salinger, and Jack Daniels on the "My Favorite JD's" list. For the record, it's still ahead of JDate.)

• The Office- Everyone who watches. loves almost every character, from Michael to Dwight to Kelly (who has been the best character all year). However when it comes to favorites, most people really care about Pam and Jim. That's also why most people are stupid. Go back and watch episodes from the first three seasons and remember how cool Jim was (a foil to Dwight, the rampant office pranks, the nerdy sexual tension we could all relate to). Picture Jim now, whining to clients on a golf course, stinking at ping pong, and seriously caring about his job. All I know is if 2005 Jim met 2008 Jim in a dark Scranton parking lot, 2005 Jim would kick his ass (or least put his stapler in a jello mold and posted a Reward Poster for his missing cahones). Now lame relationship Jim spends his work time working... BORING.

This isn't some sort of brilliant realization I've had, its art imitating life. Everyone knows how much worse friends become when they get serious girlfriends. Suddenly they cant get black out drunk, play video games until substantial thumb injury, or frequent the gentleman's establishments anymore. Same goes for sitcom characters; once the woman in their life is locked down, there is no more delicate balance. They can't continue to be a cool guy and navigate through a successful relationship. Seinfeld never made Jerry or George get serious and it never lost its way. Half of sitcom is comedy, and writers should remember that more often; I don't want to lose How I Met Your Mother, like I lost all the others, to a needy girlfriend.

Rebuilt!

I am as happy as anyone can be who just spent three hours chewing their fingernails down. This was one of those "hero's journey archetype" games where everything worked out the way it was supposed to, but it never looked like it would. Check out the scene at the end of the game.

Paul Pierce, the captain, the only Celtic who has been here since the last time we enjoyed the C's, had the ball in his hands. New additions Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen yielded to Pierce frenzied possession after frenzied possession; it was a game that the Truth was going to win or lose; it was up to him. On a night when he exorcized his LeBron James demons, Pierce also made his return to the conference finals. He made the big plays, consistently hitting pull up jumpers that he never doubted and I never expected to keep falling. LeBron beat Pierce up and down the floor statistically, but when it counted and where it counted, Pierce reigned over King James. And again, the man who has muddled through Celtics mediocrity (at best!) the last five seasons is reborn into elusive playoff territory with a team who's rebuilding is finally complete.

How cyclical that five years after the last inspired Celtics playoff run and subsequent post-season schism, that Pierce again captains a set of contenders, that the Garden is again loud and filled with Red Auerbach's spirit, and that there is once again banner banter. Danny Ainge's self-proclaimed, widely-scrutinized rebuilding process is complete. And in slightly less time than the Big Dig took, and with one less casualty (unless we're counting Antoine Walker's career).

#34 wasn't the only hero and wasn't the only Celtic who's character arc came full circle in today's Game 7. How about Eddie House who had been relegated to a front-row spectator for the first five games? It seemed only Doc Rivers couldn't see the problem with Sam Cassell hogging the minutes and shots early in the series. House, an emotional leader and offensive spark-plug all year, literally and figuratively came to play in Games 6 and 7. To those looking back, his stats will never resemble the game he played today, but in 15 minutes House did almost everything right. A huge jumper, the extra passes to free up teammates, and the gutsiest play of the game, diving on a loose ball destined for out of bounds and turning it into James Posey free throws. There weren't enough imaginary Tommy Points that could have validated the "jump-out-of-your-seat-ness" of that play. House even made his presence felt on the bench, emphatically clapping in LeBron's ear during a wide open 3-pointer, and throwing him out of rhythm. And how appropriate that Eddie hit two humungous free throws you would expect from someone like Sam Cassell and was the one left holding the ball as the final horn sounded. Meanwhile, as House was celebrated by his teammates, Sam Cassell could be seen talking to Damon Jones, likely comparing each others uselessness.

Finally our role-players are playing the correct roles (Rondo 8 points, 8 assist, 8 rebounds; PJ Brown 10 points, each one somehow exponentially more clutch than the previous). And while no team wants to get stuck in a Game 7, this team may have been helped more than it was hurt from the extra 48 minutes. Even if two of the Big 3 Celtics headline acts had subpar performances, the team learned that it can count on some of the overlooked nuts and bolts of a well-oiled homecourt machine. Maybe we cant expect any more big games from Ray Allen (star of He Got Lame) or another career resume game from Pierce, but we know understudies like Powe, PJ Brown, Rondo, and Posey all will help the team in their way. You could argue that these long series are making our older veterans older for the worse or you could argue its making our younger players older for the better.

Detroit will be by far the best team the Celtics have played in the playoffs so far, and the most well-rounded. This is a team without one of two prime scorers and a team that resembles our own. Win or lose now, the Celtics wont have disappointed too many fans. Most, myself included, are just happy to have a hometown basketball team that makes us proud more often than it doesn't (like, in say, 4 of 7 games).

Do I feel like the last two weeks have given me more indigestion and pit-stained t-shirts? Absolutely. Have I pounded down a few more beers out of bitterness and frustration? At least 10. And now it will continue for another week, at least... and I'm pretty excited about it.

Rome wasn't built in a day, neither were the 2007-8 Celtics and even if we have to do this in stressful 7-game segments, I'm done complaining.

Snot(ty) Rocket

On May 5 2004, Roger Clemens struck out his 4137th batter, making him second all-time behind Nolan Ryan.

Today Roger Clemens made even more history four Cinco de Mayo's later. In what can timely be described as mucho douchebaggery, Roger Clemens' spokesman issued a statement on behalf of the recently disgraced pitcher. "Even though these articles contain many false accusations and mistakes, I need to say that I have made mistakes in my personal life for which I am sorry. I have apologized to my family and apologize to my fans. Like everyone, I have flaws. I have sometimes made choices which have not been right."

Um I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?

Seriously how audacious is this guy? Lets get all K-zone on that last paragraph and break it down pitch by pitch:

• Roger Clemens' spokesman- Roger Clemens did not show up
• Issued a statement- Roger Clemens did not actually apologize
• These articles contains many false accusations- Roger Clemens has problems accepting responsibility
• I have made mistakes in my personal life- Roger Clemens has done some way worse stuff than has been printed
• Like everyone, I have flaws- Roger Clemens is again passing the buck and trying to remind us of our own flaws... classy.

It's a BS apology, worse than Larry David's apology over the phone while snacking on pistachios. Its really even worse because its not an apology, he sent someone to do his bidding for him. This isn't too surprising though considering Clemens left his mark on American League batters literally, with beanballs that would be re-paid only to his teammates.

Normally this would be a good thing for men everywhere, as The Rocket continues to lower the bar for the rest of us. Oh you forgot we were meeting up for dinner? Whatever at least you didn't sleep with a 15-year old country singer... You didn't call on my birthday? At least you didn't cheat at your job for more than 10 years.

You get it. Basically this Clemens things is turning into a bizarre Mad Libs game:
Roger Clemens is guilty of ________ (a crime or one of the 10 Commandments) with ______ (person or group of people) in ______ (place).

This little trick can explain how he could commit perjury with former teammates in Washington DC. Or how he could sleep with a minor who is a country music singer in Boston. Or how he could commit adultery with John Daly's ex-wife in Texas (meanwhile odds are that if you've slept with a woman in Texas, it is probably one of John Daly's ex-wives). If we find out next that Clemens broke and entered a Labatts Plant in Toronto with Bryan Adams, or coveted thy neighbor's wife in New York with Rudy Giuliani, I am calling the FBI tipline. The options are really endless.

There's only one way this thing can end, and its not pretty. Clemens and the media need an ugly break up and he needs to face a barrage of questions and fess up to all the juicy details. That way we can get it all out of our systems, move on, and then forget Clemens into the dark shadows of our mind. There he can shamefully reside with things like 90's pop culture fads, beer goggles, all my little league errors, and the Roger Clemens Red Sox era.