The Pussycat Doll Debate

One of the little perks about work is that we each have little TVs on our desks and recently they were re-wired for a full slate of Comcast Digital Cable (and the BEST of intentions!). Now instead of tuning into Regis and Kelly or another hour of The Today Show, I have the freedom to flip... Long story short I've been spending a lot time in the VH1 part of the spectrum. Longer story short the Pussycat Dolls have some new slow video called "I Hate this Part" or something equally lamentable; for some reason the PD's were advised that their fans demand more ballads... yeah.

Anyway the PD's are totally talentless, and I'm sure we can all agree that in the long run, their relevancy will match their talent level. What they lack in song writing, instrument playing, and singing, they more than make up for in not being so hard to look at (Maybe we exclude the red head though; she's always the one in the far background, shot out of focus, or covered by a fedora). Longest story short, lead singer Nicole Scherzinger is Kelvin-scale hot.

She's got ethnic flavor (a mix of Hawaiian and Russian decent), she's sartorially splendid (dresses to tell you she likes getting down), and is the rich man's version of Kim Kardashian. Nice tri-fecta for the resume. So here's some hypothetical food for hypothetical thought: How long could you last as Scherzinger's mate, if while in said relationship, the only music you could hear would be Pussycat Dolls songs?

(Seriously, isn't this a question that could spark a 45 minute conversation at a dinner party of straight dudes and lesbians? I can't wait for my boss to start letting me run interviews for interns.)

The benefits and detriments couldn't be clearer. The question at stake is how much do you value music in comparison with a love life equipped with off-the-charts hotness, a foot in the door to a celebrity world, ultimate Vegas VIP privileges, and some crazy bragging rights. After many calculations, I think I could go somewhere in the vicinity of nine to 12 months, assuming she's not an amazing match for me (Scherzinger sounds Jewish so mom might be happy, but you get the sense she doesn't want to sit around watching How I Met Your Mother on Mondays or do trivia nights on Tuesdays). At home, a lack of music is tolerable at best; although Don McLean makes it sound pretty bad. Much of the void could be filled with podcasts or talk radio, but a year hiatus from concerts would be a serious bummer. Pus it would have to be suicide-inducing to hear to "Buttons" and "Don't Cha" at bars, stadiums, and karaoke nights. A musically void year seems do-able for a top 10 prospect like Scherzinger, right?

Follow up question: How does hypothetical relationship time with Scherzinger compare with the same scenario for other musicians (try Taylor Swift, Jessica Simpson, Sheryl Crow, Katy Perry, Beyonce on for size)?

The Super (read: Mediocre) Bowl

While tonight's Super(ish) Bowl falls somewhere short of No Easy Way Out in Rocky IV in terms of inspirational, that doesn't mean it wont be a good game. Good offense versus great defense is potentially a great watch. I am not gonna break it down because A) I don't care too much B) The Cardinals are hard to predict C) There's five hours of pregame on ESPN and four more on NBC, but there are four things we can all look forward to today.

• Bruce Springsteen- While the excitement leading up to the Halftime performance always prevails over the actual act, The Boss has the potential to change all this. It was fun sending a bevy of Springsteen setlist predictions/analysis emails with friends like we were breaking down the newest LOST episode, but when Bruce takes the stage, his "12-minute party" should be the greatest non-football Super Bowl moment since Bono's American flag jacket in 2001 or Janet's nipple in 2003. For the record I'm thinking we get some mix of Born to Run, Rosalita, Glory Days, and Working on a Dream and if it were up to me it would be Rosalita, The Promised Land, Streets of Fire, and Born to Run.

• The Food- Last year and in other Patriots' Super Bowl's I am usually too nervous/focused to eat so on nights like tonight I can take some time to enjoy our spread. There's nothing better than football food and the only thing better than football food is lots of football food. Three years running I've brought out my A-game Buffalo Chicken Dip. It's the unofficial yellow line of Super Bowl food, I can't remember life before it. Also on the docket, our friend's killer Spinach-Artichoke dip, homemade potato skins, and rumors of "best chocolate chip cookies ever."

• John Madden- NBC has the game tonight which means we get Madden/Michaels doing the game. Two big things come with Madden: the obligatory Frank Caliendo Madden impressions and the memory of Madden's comical idea that the Patriots should have run out the clock and waited for overtime with 1:51 left in the 2001 Super Bowl.

• The Refreshing Lack of Girls- This is the Super Bowl and there's nothing worse than having to explain football rules, having to ask them to stop talking about whatever US Weekly has told them they must discuss at critical junctures of the game, or having to conceal burps, farts, profanity, or other football conducive man behaviors. Super Bowl is like men's Valentines Day, and the only gift we want is to be left alone to watch the game. Plus everytime you make a mistake and watch with girls, they end up winning the Super Bowl Boxes gambling game, that's karma.

• Some wildcards for the game today: Will Troy Polamalu get taken down by his hair? Will Larry Fitzgerald make more highlight reel catches? Will any Cardinal get McGahee'd by the Steelers D? Will my prop bets hold up (coin toss heads, no team will score three times in a row)? Will anyone's jersey at the party overshadow my Bud Bowl one? Will the 1 second Miller High Life commercials actually be worth it? Will any commercials break the two year void of good ads? Will people laugh at me if I show up with the 3-D glasses for Monsters vs. Aliens? How many times will I wonder if the Patriots would be in the Super Bowl if they were in the NFC?

Why So Serious?

There's a growing trend in sitcoms and I'm taking a stand.


Last night How I Met Your Mother, currently clubhouse leader for sitcoms, ended its season with a proposal from Ted Mosby, its lead character. If that wasn't enough, Barney, legen-DARY womanizer, decided to fall in love with Robin. In fact, the last few episodes of HIMYM, followed a "lets get serious about relationships" arc that I don't much care for. I know the show is eventually headed down a path towards marriage (as we figure out who the mother is) but unless the producers are only figuring one more season, I think they are jumping the gun here.


Take a look back to recent sitcoms and how the whole "Lets marry off our funny/cool/interesting" characters and see how it goes:

• Friends- Lambaste the show if you want, but when critics and ratings are both so strongly in favor, its useless to dissent. In a mostly post-Seinfeld sitcom world, Friends was king. It had a simple premise, great writing, and outstanding character relationships... that was until the dreaded season 7 finale, The One with Chandler and Monica's Wedding. This watershed moment changed all of the chemistry and dynamics of the group. The Joey-Chandler relationship was dunzo. The Monica and the girls relationship, c'est la vie. Chandler was less snarky, not as nebbish, and stopped goofing around, all the things that made him great. Instead of 6 friends hanging out, episodes would be 3 sets of 2 friends and their "hilarious" hijinx.

• Scrubs- From season 2 until season 6, Scrubs was my favorite show because Bill Lawrence, the show creator and lead writer, found a way to be goofy and light-hearted while telling some serious hospital stories. Scrubs was my favorite 30-minutes of the week during this time, as it delivered almost every week. The JD and Turk friendship (best shown in the My Musical episode Guy Love song) was genuine and fresh and wasn't spoiled by Turk's serious relationship, because Lawrence made sure that for Turk, JD always came first. However, Lawrence couldn't stay true to guy love once Turk and Carla had a baby (Season 6 aka the Tipping Point) and at this point, Scrubs' tomfoolery and witty shenanigans took a backseat to the serious reality of being a parent. Since then, and through this season's finale, Scrubs has become borderline unwatchable. Turk isn't fun loving anymore, JD has also recently become a father also and **SPOILER ALERT** he stinks now too. (I never thought I'd say this but Braff's JD character is a distant fourth to JD Drew, JD Salinger, and Jack Daniels on the "My Favorite JD's" list. For the record, it's still ahead of JDate.)

• The Office- Everyone who watches. loves almost every character, from Michael to Dwight to Kelly (who has been the best character all year). However when it comes to favorites, most people really care about Pam and Jim. That's also why most people are stupid. Go back and watch episodes from the first three seasons and remember how cool Jim was (a foil to Dwight, the rampant office pranks, the nerdy sexual tension we could all relate to). Picture Jim now, whining to clients on a golf course, stinking at ping pong, and seriously caring about his job. All I know is if 2005 Jim met 2008 Jim in a dark Scranton parking lot, 2005 Jim would kick his ass (or least put his stapler in a jello mold and posted a Reward Poster for his missing cahones). Now lame relationship Jim spends his work time working... BORING.

This isn't some sort of brilliant realization I've had, its art imitating life. Everyone knows how much worse friends become when they get serious girlfriends. Suddenly they cant get black out drunk, play video games until substantial thumb injury, or frequent the gentleman's establishments anymore. Same goes for sitcom characters; once the woman in their life is locked down, there is no more delicate balance. They can't continue to be a cool guy and navigate through a successful relationship. Seinfeld never made Jerry or George get serious and it never lost its way. Half of sitcom is comedy, and writers should remember that more often; I don't want to lose How I Met Your Mother, like I lost all the others, to a needy girlfriend.