Jerry Remy Day... You Gotta Be Kidding Me

If there was a blog called "Things Red Sox Fans Like," the list would include Sweet Caroline, Yankees suck chants at any event with more than 9 people, Jerry Remy, and not admitting to liking Fever Pitch, amongst others. I have a problem with that list; I dont know if I am supposed to (or even allowed to) say this aloud, but I dont like Jerry Remy.

I didn't always have this contrarian view, and I'm not just trying to be one of those annoying activists with a revolving door of issues; I plain dont like the way he influences my Red Sox television viewing experience (and before you say anything about me not getting to watch NESN broadcasts because I live in DC, let me warn you that I have the MLB Extra Innings package so I get all the home games Remy/Orsillo-style).

Here's what positive things Jerry Remy brings to the broadcast table: great knowledge of the Red Sox, good back and forth with Orsillo and Title 9 Sideline Reporter du-jour Hazel Mae/Tina Cervasio/Heidi Watney, and some semblence of the game from a players perspective (he played 2B). He's also brought an undeniable Remy-flavor to broadcasts (and I'm not just talking about that great mustache and accent). And for all the Remy hating I spew, I want to be equal opportunity in commending NESN for upgrading "Why the long face?" Cervasio with Heidi Watney... mmmm.

Here's the problems with those positive things, they are overshadowed by the other Jerry Remy, which we can call ®emy. And by ®emy, I mean the fact that most of the game, is spent talking about the hundreds of lucrative opportunities that the ®em-Dawg can offer members of Red Sox Nation® (and even us regular Red Sox fans who didn't pony up $14.95 for the lowest form of membership).

Lets start with Red Sox Nation. Here's what becoming an official citizen of the Nation gets you: lots of presale opportunities for Red Sox seats (including the opener in Japan!!), lots of raffles for Red Sox seats, a 10% discount at the team store, an e-newsletter, a bumper sticker, a citizens membership card. And the truly crazy thing about all this is that if you wanted to buy the premium versions of Red Sox Nation, you cant. They are all sold out. People can rip pink Red Sox caps all they want, but to me, this is infinately more ludicrous.

While ®emy is the President of Red Sox Nation (thanks to a 2007 season of campaigning during broadcasts; dont get me started), I do not blame him for this lame sales technique, its just one of his extra-curicular focuses instead of color commentary. When ®emy is done plugging the Nation like its a leaking levee, its time for the other services that the ®em-Dawg can provide.

Besides the microphone, under the ®em-Dawg corporate umbrella also lies: a Rem-Dawg hot dog stand on Yawkee Way (and another one coming soon to Logan Airport), a book Watching Baseball, two children's books Hello Wally and Wally the Green Monster and His Journey Through Red Sox Nation (you can't make this up), and The Remy Report website. I have to add this after a quick perusal of the Remy Report: you (even YOU!!) can buy a copy of Jerry's ACTUAL scorecard from the Manny 500th HR game, autographed by Jerry Remy for only $17.95!! Apparently he's even more concerned with moy-chendizing than the Schwartz in Spaceballs.

But what happens in the fourth inning when the ®em-Dawg has already mentioned all of these opportunities twice? Have no fear Nation members, its time for Orsillo to shoulder the load of play-by-play and color while Jerry Remy scans the crowd for signs with his name on it. I only blame him for half of this, with the other part of the blame spread amongst the morons from Nashua, NH, Bangor, ME, and Killington, VT. Somehow these people feel it is a better idea to go to a game with a sign made for an announcer rather than for a member of the team they are going to support. I cant wait til they sell Remy Red Sox shirts... oh, nevermind.

Maybe my convictions against the ®em-Dawg are so strong because I know I am swimming upstream. When I have voiced this concernt to friends and colleagues before, it is usually rebutted with laughs and insults, both of which I am ready for. It seems another response is "Name a set of local announcers you'd rather have." I am also ready for that response. In DC we are privy to two baseball teams on local TV, the Nationals and the Orioles. While the DC booth kinda sorta stinks, I would rather have the Orioles booth in a heartbeat. Jim Palmer and Gary Thorne are a solid, knowledgable duo who take their duties of broadcasting the game seriously. I'm sure there are others that are better than the NESN duo.

Problem is that its not just my dumb friends. He has become so popular that yesterday (6-24) was officially bestowed Jerry Remy Day in Boston, by Mayor Tom Menino (luckily for him, I dont vote in Massachusetts anymore). I would rather have a Dave Roberts day, a Dropkick Murphys day, or even a "that funny Crunch N Munch guy" day. You gotta be kidding me...

®emy has let his broadcast responsibilities fall by the wayside and has become too comfortable to work on improving. His immense popularity paired with his lucrative (and I can objectively say, brilliant) businesses has made him apathetic about job performance and I think the NESN subscriber should demand more. Please tell me where Dustin Pedroia likes his pitches instead of when he'll be at your next event. Tell me how this team is different than the Sox team you were on, not about how to get my own Wally the Green Monster beanie-baby (with adirondack chair!!). We have demanded more from our hometown teams and look what is has yielded; let's stop giving the ®em-Dawg a pass for his mediocrity.