Wipeout!!

I couldn't be a bigger fan of the show Wipeout right now and I have only seen one episode. Its like falling in love on the first date (I assume). We all know the stigma of summer television... keeping the dating metaphor, you could call it the rebound fling after a break up (spring's season finales), and this show knocks it out of the park. The creators of Wipeout knew what we wanted from this relationship, knew what we didn't want, and just delivered. Its not brilliant, its not revolutionary, its not even very original, but it is self-aware, and in this case, that's the most important thing.

This self-awareness is the beauty of Wipeout. It offers the things we are all looking for in our summer television fling: people making asses out of themselves, a little bit of humor, a few good looking women, little emotional involvement, and the ability to miss episodes without being in trouble.

Specifically, here's what the show does right.

1) People get destroyed. Sure this show is basically a rip off of Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, but it somehow brings even more thunder. The carnage is awesome. Its not like seeing the remains of a car accident on the highway; its like seeing the actual collision. These people don't stand a chance. Of the events I saw tonight, there was the wall players traversed while boxing gloves punched them in the face, neck, and even places below the belt. There were those infamous big red balls that players tried to bounce across, but never could. There was a rotating hurdle jump from a platform, a spinning machine before a sprint on an unbalanced surface, and a fresh look at a timeless classic, the rope swing.

Even when the hits didn't look as vicious, the contestants still went flying. And here's the cherry on the top, the minds behind our new summer friend have even one-upped MXC by cutting out all the filler in between big hits. They even edit down all of the boring stuff and basically bring you the low-light highlights for the first 15 minutes. This show is the crab cake without all the breading; its all meat, no filler.

2) The announcers don't over-do it. I never thought I'd say these words unless I was selling hair-dye at WalMart but, "Welcome back John Henson." You may remember him from being moderately funny on E!'s Talk Soup, and from being the guy, who like Derek Zoolander couldn't turn right, or else you'd get that nasty profile look at his Ms. Toper skunk spot (by the way, who was less likely to ever be thought of again, John Henson or Ms. Toper). Henson and co-host John Anderson (one of the best anchors on Sportscenter) match snarky and fresh one-liners over the endless bloopers. Unlike MXC they don't jump the shark because they let the follies drive the show and seem to be content riding shotgun. Even sideline reporter Jill Wagner delivers the occasional joke, some outstanding reactions to the contestants' goofs, and is even sneaky foxy (you'll thank me later).

3) The challenges overshadow the challengers. No one cares about rooting for the players in this game, and the producers know it. Most of the contestants are boring, which doesn't matter, because if we wanted to see people win we wouldn't be watching a show called Wipeout. What is important is that the challenges are actually hard. I don't see how anyone will ever get past a few of the obstacles and I don't really want to see that anyway. The goofier and the more turbulent, the better and for the few fortunate (only in the sense that they get $50k for winning) players, the and even zanier final looms.

The final challenge looks like it would be fun... if you were a navy seal or enjoyed bruising. I wont even describe the kinds of ridiculousness that ensues but its safe to say that it looks like its just an 'elephant walk' short of the worst hazing imaginable. Picture the lame-ass 'Eliminator' at the end of the new American Gladiators and imagine it to be more creative, more difficult, and more satisfying.

One way to spruce up the show, or at least legitimize it, would be if they could somehow get professional athletes to try out the events. Imagine Reggie Bush Kobe Bryant, Ichiro, Justin Gatlin, Alton from RW/RR Challenge and other super-freak athletes challenge each other to feats of most useless athleticism. Or at least watching them get beat up by preposterous competitions. I can't imagine a show I wouldn't end up DVR-ing to watch that play out.

Maybe you haven't yet had a chance to see the show (it premiered this week), but if you watched the NBA Playoffs or really any show on ABC/ESPN in the last couple months, you saw the commercials. And let me say that the episodes are even better (for the moment disregard the fact that I may have formal ties to the ABC/ESPN family). C'mon, just trust me. If this hasn't been enough of an over-sell, let me tell you that the show ended with John Henson saying "From all of us, good night and big balls." Consider me hooked.