Super Soft Media Day

At today's Super Bowl media day Chris Berman made tons of "whoop" noises, Rich Eisen tried to interview Hines Ward's knee, and Deion Sanders asked players about Deion Sanders. There was a salsa dancer, a 12-year old interviewer, and a height-off between the NFL's rumor-hoarding dwarfs Jay Glazer and Adam Schefter (Chris Mortenson confirmed this a half hour later). Basically no one learned anything and no one who wasn't participating had any fun, way to go NFL.

If you're a media member I know you cant ruffle feathers at this softball-fest, but why can't they ask good questions? For example:

To Ben Roethlisberger: If you guys win the Super Bowl again and you stink again, do you think you will still be revered with other two-time champion QB's? ...Which parts of your body don't hurt right now? ...Did you send Bernard Pollard a thank you note after week 1 or are you waiting until the season is over?

To Kurt Warner: Compliments on your wife growing her hair out; who has had more of a rejuvenated year, you or her? ...If you lose the Superbowl, does that mean God is a Steelers fan? ...Remember when you were benched for Eli Manning four years ago and now you could be consecutive QBs to win Superbowls, how crazy is that?

To Anquan Boldin: Are you jealous of Larry Fitzgerald lapping you in talent this year? ...How proud are you to be the most jacked player in the NFL? ...Have you packed up your Arizona home yet or are you waiting you officially sign somewhere else?

To Larry Fitzgerald: Do you realize how freaking high your stock is right now? ...You have singlehandedly made the Cardinals an almost respectable franchise, how proud are you? ...Do you always have the fear that Anquan Boldin could go Tonya Harding on at any moment? ...As a star receiver, how hard is it to not shoot yourself in the leg?

To Willie Parker: Can we all agree that its time for your bitterness towards UNC to end? ...Isn't the nickname "Fast" pretty lame? ...How many angry letters do you get from touchdown-less fantasy owners?

To Edgerrin James: How was your mid-season vacation and where did you go? ...Have you tried mentoring Tim Hightower this year or are you nervous of helping your competition? ...Did you grow your hair out so people wouldn't notice how gross your teeth are?

To Hines Ward: Do you demand the ball in the huddle of third downs and big plays or do you just get lucky? ...Didn't your offense used to be more interesting with Ken Whisenhunt calling plays? ...How do you mesh with a punk-ass like Santonio Holmes? ...You've already planned your Super Bowl Championship celebration world tour, haven't you?

To Mike Tomlin: Do you look so cool because you try hard or because you're black? ...Do you think Coach Whisenhunt hates seeing pictures of you and the Steelers like most people hate seeing pictures of the ex's with new flames? ...What have you actually done to make the team better since Bill Cowher left?

To Ken Whisenhunt: Seriously, how much do you hate the Steelers? ...Do you ever consider asking your players to take cheap shots on Ben and other old friends like the coach did in Mighty Ducks to Adam Banks? ...Did you tell your players to take off week 16 in Foxboro or does your team actually have the capability to suck that hard? ...If it were legal, would you take yourselves getting seven points?

To Matt Leinart: Do you cry when listening to Springsteen's Glory Days? ...Does being a bench warmer for a punchline franchise cut down on your ability to spit game on girls? ...When you play with the Cardinals in Madden, do you sub yourself in for Kurt? ...Aren't you kinda rooting for an injury so you can play Sunday? ...How quick can you funnel a beer?

The Snubbiest Oscar Snub of All

Leaving the Academy to decide awards for movies is like leaving Florida to decide a presidential election. This week I heard more about snubs than about acclaim for the nominees. Bruce's them for The Wrestler missing best song is downright offensive for two songs from Slumdog? I hate that Wall-E was left off the best picture list, like for the lack of live action, since it appeared on as many 2008 Top 10 lists as any other movie. Others feel that Leo, The Dark Knight, and The Wrestler were also given the Heisman (knee up, stiff armed) unjustly.

However those are just minor parole violations in comparison to Oscar's snubbiest snub this year, the omission of Young@Heart from the best documentary category. Usually I apply to the theory you can't tell me its not one of the five best if you haven't seen the others, but here's where I'm throwing my curveball, I have already seen one of the nominees. I saw Man on Wire, and am now motived to check out a couple more to prove myself right. MoW doesn't come close enough to Y@H to even sniff its old person smell. Anyway, there is very little to dislike about: It is relatable if you have or had grandparents its enjoyable if you like music, and its inspiring if you possess a heart. Kinda minimal pre-requisites.

Quick dummies guide to Y@H: Young @ Heart is the name of a chorus of extremely senior (is that any kinder than saying super old?) citizens in Northampton Massachusetts who live to sing and sing to live. Sounds cheesy and boring, I know. Here's the twist, they sing cool songs, popular music. Things like James Brown, Coldplay, The Ramones, Bob Dylan, Jimmy Hendrix, Sonic Youth, and more. Try imagining your grandparents even knowing songs by all them. The documentary follows the chorus as they prepare new songs for an upcoming set of performances and deal with deteriorating health.

At different points, the film is funny, sweet, heartwarming, serious, and carefree. It works as a date movie better than another chick flick, its great on a lazy afternoon, and even goes well with a few friends and a few beers. The interviewer/producer may become a bit too involved and irritating but its easy to forget that with the corny old jokes from the corny old men and the not so innocent candor from the sweet old ladies. Y@H runs the gamut of emotions without becoming heavy or lengthy and by the end you almost consider visiting a grandparent (and that's saying something). And for my money, there may not be a better scene in film in 2008 than when the chorus visits the jail.

In the end, who cares about awards? Who can really name all of the past Oscar winners anyway? Those trophies probably end up in your parents attic with all of your old soccer participant trophies, right? Okay, maybe not, but if you want to do some cinematic justice, and you like movies that make you feel good, throw Young@Heart on your Netflix queue or take your first trip to Blockbuster in years and pick it up off a dusty shelf.

Obama-palooza

Welcome back to your Internet destination for breaking news. Today's gem: Barack Obama is about to be inaugurated as the 44th President of the United States.

You may have heard this, just as you may have heard about the tremendous Inauguration "We Are One" Concert held on the National Mall yesterday. I get to go to a lot of cool events/games in DC with press passes but yesterday's show was completely different, starting with the fact that I had no connections for any press passes, basically I was on my own to brave the cold, the crowd, and the unknown.

So off I went yesterday with a hangover, semi-plan of where I was going, and a screwdriver (the liquid kind); this weekend in DC has been like a cold, more mature version of Spring Break. The only things I was lacking was a Snuggie and one of those Amish Fireless Fire Places. I had low expectations, was mostly interested in hearing the Boss, and then getting out for the end of the Eagles/Cardinals game.

I couldn't have been more wrong about it all... except for the Snuggie part, one of those really would have been tremendous. First, I was shockingly underwhelmed by Bruce. Maybe it was the cold open he had to endure but something wasn't right. Another mistake I made was thinking that lacking a credential would be ruinous. Being in the mobs was refreshing. Its corny and cliche but we met out of towners, ran into friends, and enjoyed strangers we usually would complain about.

The show gained momentum with almost every performance, but that wasn't what I'll remember. Obama-stock ranks up there with the 2002 Patriots SuperBowl Parade and the Pope's funeral as huge rally moments that surpass all others. Each event has been driven by human emotion. For the Pats rally it was a sense of accomplishment, for the Pope it was overwhelming grief, and yesterday it was a massive celebration. There was camaraderie, pride, brotherhood, and patriotism; the things you often hear in Americana verse and so seldom witness in person.

That was the overwhelming revelation for me, the sheer bliss of those in attendance. It wasn't a celebration of the end of eight Bush years and it wasn't just a grand homage to Obama. The gathering seemed more like an epidemic of excitement, a new hope rushing through the crowd. The performers preached it all day, but I would argue the buzz was a grass roots thing. An imminent belief that we could have a direct impact, that change was up to us, that the torch was being passed on; symptoms of the Obama Effect. Maybe everyone didn't feel that way but enough people did, and in the end, it was contagious enough to create the weird euphoria.

So much so that all day there was a distinct absence of cold weather complaints, of line cutting and pushing, and personal squabbles. In a city built on systematic strife and constant debate, it was invigorating to miss it. I walked, possibly floated back to the GW campus and reality for an afternoon of football. At McFaddens, the scene couldn't have been a bigger juxtaposition. As people shouted, stressed, and shoved through the bar, I sat in the back, like Andy Dufresne in the Shawshank yard, physically feet away and cerebrally miles away.

Eagles or Cardinals... Put Your Wallets Away

There are three games left in an NFL season that has financially owned my ass. I've lost more money on "sure thing" games this year than I ever thought was possible. I mistakenly felt an understood for teams like the Panthers, Cowboys, Bucs, and Chargers but two of the biggest culprits were the Cardinals and the Eagles.

The Cardinals built up my confidence before crapping the bed, while the Eagles drained my faith, before, of course, playing with a fire lit under them. They even took my money last week. Clearly I am thoroughly confused by this weeks NFC Championship, in particularly the gambling line (Philly +3). This should be a time where the hours of football watching come in handy for capital gains.

You can analyze favorites for match-ups (Passing-Zona, Receiving- Zona, Rushing- Philly, Defense- Philly) but the biggest problem is trying to figure out which Cardinals and Eagles teams will show up Sunday.

On the Eagles side, are we supposed to expect the Andy Reid squad that destroyed the Cowboys, beat down the Vikings, and outplayed the top ranked Giants? The same ones who ruined Thanksgiving for the Cardinals (and for my Thanksgiving trifecta parlay)? Have the Eagles even really deserved the last two W's or did the Vikes and G-men give those games away? Or might we witness the team that tied the Bengals and lost a pair of games to the Redskins?

And its not like the Cards are any more consistent. Do we expect the recent Cards who took care of business in the first two rounds with solid defense and scorching hot offense? Or maybe their alter-egos who have been victims of against the Patriots, Jets, Vikes, and said Eagles? Have they improved by more than the four touchdowns they lost by to the Eagles a couple months ago?

There are so many forces opposing each other, I cant figure out which information should be filtered and which is relevant. The Cardinals good home record or the precedent they set on Thanksgiving? The Eagles winning six of seven or their terrible road record? The Cards inconsistencies or the Eagles shortcomings? They say in a bind, take the points and run. I may suggest taking a pass.

Watching TV Better

Big day tomorrow for millions of American unintentionally setting our nation back even farther... its the season premier of American Idol. Hooray!!

I seriously do not understand how people watch this show. For the next couple weeks, viewers are inundated with Idol tryouts, 90 percent of which are failures. Failures in the sense that they do not get a ticket to Hollywood and failures in the sense that they waited in day-long lines for a thirty second audition and the minute chance their appearance make air. Have I mentioned that a bunch of the aired auditions and contestant profiles are embellished by producers for extra "laughs"? Those Pizza hut commercials where they "trick" people into loving their pizza and pasta are more believable (because if I was tricked into eating Pizza Hut pasta at a fancy LA restaurant, I'm sure my reaction would be a rousing standing O).

Then finally, after weeks of two-hour specials filled with pitchy shenanigans (OMG look there's the guy who doesn't know he sucks! LOL, here comes the goth chick with the mom who swears at Simon!!) we get to the actual contest and witness actual borderline talent. This is decidedly the least popular part of the show, yet millions of Americans who can't tell you where Darfur is, who haven't voted in a Presidential election, who haven't read anything without glossy photos in years, will spend 99 cents to text in a vote (up to five times equals $4.95 for the Idol fans in the house). It will be interesting, though, to see if middle Americans will still text away five bucks a week, with the recession devouring everything in its path.

And don't go playing the 'elitist' card on me, Sarah Palin. I still eat my Kraft singles one slice at a time, its just that this Fox show is the lowest common denominator. Six months, a bajillion text messages, three Paula Abdul sex-scandal rumors, and one staged audience member crying later, and we will have a winner. A winner that may be as popular as Carrie Underwood or as momentary as Fantasia I don't even know her last name. This is what 30 million plus people will care about more than anything for the next several months.

Meanwhile there are better choices for TV out there. LOST comes back soon and no event that isn't the Inauguration is more important in January. How I Met Your Mother is in another stellar season, delivering the most enjoyable 30 minutes a week. Flight of the Conchords comes back Sunday after a momentum-killing hiatus. The Office is a DVR staple thanks only to Andy Bernard these days; yes I'm talking to you soft relationship Jim. If action is your thing and you can stomach eventual let down, Bauer is back for another run of 24. And finally 30 Rock was validated last night as the comedy cream of the crop.

And if you can't get past the lack of reality TV on the buffet, check in on MTV. Laugh if you want to but MTV's Bromance with Brody Jenner, is thoroughly enjoyable. Its premised as a bunch of dudes trying win the role of a lifetime, friends with Brody and his playboy lifestyle included. The show sticks to its roots of "men behaving badly" with nights of drinking, talk of female conquests, semi-athletic competitions, and the candor of a guy's night out. The occasional sappy moment is quickly negated by a blow up doll, bikini model, or contestant puking into a paper bag, AKA television gold. If that's not enough The Duel II is slated for early spring.

So we all have a choice to make Tuesday, and for the days to follow. As a nation will we blindly throw our televisions to Fox's recycled, brainless popularity search for a pop star or we can stray from our past or demand something better? Its time for change, act accordingly.

My 20 Point Theory

There are some things I really like doing on company time like running errands and the late afternoon Sporcle and then there are things I love doing on company time like pooping and looking at old box scores. Sometimes the latter two are separate activities and other times I can multitask.

The thing is that like many other self-appointed geniuses, I do some of my best thinking on the can, which sounds silly until you hear my latest NBA theory. I posit that about 80% of players in the NBA could score 20 or more points consistently, if given the right role (shots and encouragement included).

To the untrained eye, NBA scoring can be a complete mystery to most, but not me. I have figured it out and I think its the first piece of the puzzle into figuring out how to create the perfect NBA team. I'll get to this later.

Guys like Kobe and Lebron need not apply to this theory, those are givens. But when those number one gunners and even their wingmen go down, it opens the door for the lesser known NBA players. Take John Salmons for example, a league vet who never averaged more than 13 points in a season. This year for the Kevin Martin-less Kings, Salmons has crossed the 20 point barrier 18 times and the 30 point mark two others. He was embraced as the backbone for a team he spent two years watching from the bench.

Here's the super-secret formula: Full Grain Leather Basketball + Opportunity (Opp = open shots + legit inclusion in offense) + Almost any NBA player (the secret ingredient) = 20 Points

Meanwhile, meet Linas Kleiza, the spokesman of the Bardo 20 Point Theory. Kleiza is a lifelong back-up, who is practically one with Carmelo Anthony's shadow, however, we are about to become witness to a Kleiza renessaince era. Carmelo's fractured hand will allow the light to find Kleiza's career again. The last time Linas has a chance, during a Carmelo hiatus (end of Jan 2008), he went for 21, 23, 23, 10, 14, 15, 23, and 15.

Now its not that Carmelo and his fellow A-listers are shooting too much necessarily; just more that almost every rostered player can and should be contributing more. NBA players, by nature can hit open shots, which helps since they also by nature, do not play much defense, thus creating more open shots. Scoring the NBA is about opportunity and swagger, and with opportunity comes the swagger. Havvvvvve you met Stephon Marbury? (Along with lots of other guys who went from big scorers to cut in a couple seasons like Stevie Franchise or Antoine Walker. The theory goes both ways.) When Kleiza gets his burn and is told that he is needed, he steps up, just as Salmons has this year, or Roger Mason Jr did when Ginobili and Parker-Longoria were sidelined. There's so many examples, its basically science.

Let's support the theory more and pick an average NBA team, randomly I will pick the Atlanta Hawks. Guys on the Hawks who could score 20: Joe Johnson, Mike Bibby, Marvin Williams, Josh Smith, Al Horford, Ronald Murray, Mo Evans, Acie Law, and unfortunately Zaza Pachulia. Thats 9 of 12. I'll pick another for argument sake, less randomly, the Celtics, a team with current depth issues. Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, Rondo, Perkins, T Allen, Powe, Big Baby, House, and Cassell. Thats 10 Celtics, and I would look for more but I'm scared away by Brian Scalabrine and his [the word opposite of potential].

In the meantime, try to figure out what the players on this list have in common: Jose Juan Barea, Ramon Sessions, Wilson Chandler, Anthony Morrow, Kelenna Azubuike, Hakim Warrick, and Boris Diaw.

You probably think these are players who've scored 20 points in a game this year. WRONG. Those players, many of whom are relatively unknown NBA players, have each had MULTIPLE 20 point efforts this season. So lets agree to agree, almost everyone in the NBA can score in droves on a given night under the right circumstances.

Back to that perfect NBA team idea. Clearly the ultimate squad needs a stud and a leader, along with some defensive presence. I'm saving the defensive lesson for another night so let's look past that for now. Why cant a coach mold his team of starters and back-ups into a singular unit of equal scorers. I'm not saying take the ball out of Kobe's hands if your Phil Jackson, but can't he motivate and condition the rest of the Lakers to have scorer's mentalities?

Therefore, the ultimate team should/could/would be one where the coach can find that middle ground where you can maximize your role players performances. Fill a lineup with the Kleizas, Morrows, Mason Jrs, and Powes of the league and let them do what they do best, successfully fill gaps. To me its about putting more faith in guys in more guys, and make them think that the team relies on them as much as it does on Superstar A. Make them have the pride in their game that a superstar must have and reward them with more crunch time minutes and more shots. That may sound unrealistic but a truly gifted coach can get through to his squad and make them believe that it the team is on them.

What to Think About Wall-E

Its 2009 and I am gonna try to write more entertainment this year; gonna try to diversify a bit. Anyway this is the time of year when movies are slurped or scrutinized because its award season. The brunt of this years slurpage is Disney and Pixar's Wall-E, which is odd because it got a mixed bag of reviews depending on who you talked to. This made it a perfect first Netflix rental of the year and a chance to throw my weight around in the war on Wall-E.

If you've heard anything about the film, you know that it starts with about 30 minutes without dialogue. This is clearly the first thing you notice about Wall-E and its a weird feeling to watch sensation to watch a movie in this day and age without the director telling you what is happening right off the bat. Anyway, this beginning dialogue drought gives you the sense that you are either watching some pretentiously grandiose bullshit sermon, OR that you are watching something much bigger than yourself, something that may be extraordinary. I think this is where the schism of opinions begin because I think if you are in the first camp, it is easy to quit on the film. However if you're in the second camp, or can talk your way into the second camp, Wall-E can have a lasting impact on you.

I quickly identified myself in the latter group and loved Wall-E in all its preachy grace. I enjoyed the romance, I devoured the messages against gluttony and dependence, and I giggled at everything from Wall-E's trinkets to the little cleaner-up robot's persistence. I wont be spoiler-ee so dont be afraid to keep reading. Its the big things and the little ones that separate Wall-E from its predecessors and peers.

Little things like the catharsis drawn from Wall-E's eyes and the Captains thirst for more definitions (Jeff Garlin nails this role, even down to the manboobs) to the Eva's domination of bubble-wrap and Wall-E dancing with the trash can. Big things too. Like the Wall-E and Eva space reunion and its chain of events following and the condescending "Stay the Course" line. It was the underlying messages meshed in with cutesy Pixar pieces. It makes you laugh, smile, and ask the important questions like "If I were an iPod, how hot would Eva be to me?"... or something maybe a bit more important regarding the future of our planet.

Toy Story, Monsters Inc., Shrek, and other Pixar gems have delivered the cute factor along with the storybook moral ending, but only Wall-E contemporizes its message and morals for a current day audience. This is definitely not a kids movie, in fact I probably wouldn't even show it to them; its a love story and a heady, enlightening societal warning as well. As a 24-year old, I'm not sure if I even grasp its entire magnitude in one viewing.