Celtics or Something Like Them

Everything you need to know about the Celtics you could have learned in the last three games. We lost at home to the Lakers in overtime, we beat the Knicks handily on the road, and we lost to the Spurs at home in the final minute. I don't want to get all Shaughnessy on you but if we expect the C's to match last years fate, we need to Obama this bitch, lets embrace change.

Two names that have been synonymous with the phrase "Celtics missing piece" have been Stephon Marbury and PJ Brown, but to me those pieces don't necessarily fit in this puzzle. Marbury is tumor, and while tumors can become benign, they are always tumors and potentially malignant at any turn(over). PJ Brown meanwhile is another year older, 39 going on 40, which is prime age for a bottle of scotch or a cougar at a bar, but not an NBA player. I think the years pile up on these athletes logarithmically like on golden retrievers or sweatpants and this last one year makes a big difference. Plus, isn't the PJ Brown desire is a one way street or wouldn't we have heard more refined scuttlebutt?

The two killer losses at home last week clearly demonstrated that we are missing the James Posey presence in all of its glory. On offense, his absence means Tony Allen gets wayyy too much playing time leading to a shot chart that looks like a game of Battleship. Defensively Posey's absence puts more pressure on Pierce, which. in turn, takes away from his offense. Tony Allen couldn't play in a James Posey cover band right now.

Anyway, we are going to have to get outside of the box and find some other applicants. The help wanted ad may look something like this:

2 Positions to be filled- One swingman who can spread the floor with a 15-23 foot jump shot and prior experience with defense or willingness to learn. One backup big man who can own post space on both ends of the floor and eat minutes when Perk and KG are in foul trouble.

Let's set a few rules for eligibility. We'll try to be realistic, in other words, the Celtics wont be a player in the Amare Stoudemire sweepstakes. The Lakers, Cavs, and Magic wont trade with the Celtics down the stretch, so I'm not considering any of their players. The Celtics have a huge payroll already so we can't eat a giant contract like Shawn Marion's. Here's a list of guys I'd have on my wish list if I was Danny Ainge:

• Jason Maxiell (PF-Det)- Maxiell is a bruiser who could improve from a defensive pep talk from KG. He's buried on the Pistons bench even behind Kwame Brown, the personal Mendoza line, even though Maxiell has produced for years.
• Andres Nocioni (SF-Chi)- A both sides of the ball help but carries a big paycheck owed. Not sure how to make the finances work, but the Bulls at the deadline are like that girl hanging around during last call, just waiting for someone to look at them the right way.
• Hakim Warrick (PF-Mem)- Warrick is defensive oriented, a big time shot changer, and shoots at a 47% clip. We wont be looking to him as an offense stud, but a reliable open shot maker.
• Eduardo Najera (SF-NJ)- Currently battling injury, but a veteran presence who can produce as a deep option on offense. Plus Wikipedia says he's known for his rebounding and defensive intensity, so you know it's gotta be true.
• Morris Peterson (SF-NO)- Another vet with an injury, but when healthy, a guy who can really contribute on offense. He has an unattractive contract, which could tempt the Hornets to send him packing.
• Tyson Chandler (C-NO)- His name is rumor-fodder at most deadlines because he still carries a deal-breaker contract. Last year's rejuvenation makes him desirable to man Celtics green, but at what price?
• Alando Tucker (SF-Phx)- A rookie smooth shooter, who the Suns are unlikely to give up on too quickly. He would help spread the floor on offense and hopefully could pick up defense from watching.
• Sergio Rodriguez (G-Por)- Kinda a wildcard here, but a good shooter who is frustrated with playing time. Again a young gun who is unlikely to be given up on so soon, and though the Celtics dont necessarily need another guard, this could be a nice spark.
• Channing Frye (PF-Por)- One year left at 3mil for a lifetime 45% shooter who can hit FTs and has experience, but never fit in with his teams. Now he's buried on the bench and is what we want Patrick O'Bryant to turn into.
• Matt Bonner (PF-San)- Nevermind, I'm still sick from seeing this GingerBalls light us up on Sunday.

Meanwhile, there's a chance the Celtics could fill a position in house: Bill Walker, the C's rookie out of Kansas State. We have the perfect opportunity to give him some burn at forward with KG and Ray in hopes of hastening his maturation. Meanwhile he has only played in seven games all year and doesn't even register as trade bait because no one has seen the kid. I dont think Ainge and Rivers know that one piece of the puzzle may lie under their noses. I'm endorsing Walker, Maxiell, Frye, and Rodriguez as the Celtics deadline targets.