Shaqtastic

I love Shaq, but there's no need for me to say it since I assume everyone in the world loves Shaq. I should have said we. He belongs on a list with Slumdog Millionaire, lobster tail, world peace, breasts, and money as things universally loved. Yesterday's NBA All Star Game serves as reason 1819 why Shaq is so great. If you didn't see it, Shaq, an All-Star reserve, was introduced with a scene bigger than any starter would ever have commanded. Check it out.

More about reason 1819: Today on PTI, Wilbon called it the greatest NBA All Star moment since Marvin Gaye's famous Star Spangled Banner in 1983. I have less history in my head than him, but couldn't agree more. Shaq can dance, like really dance, even better than he can dunk, rebound, act, joke, or rap. (Also it's a mahogany-smelling big deal because it made up for an atrocious All Star weekend. HORSE should have been euthanized like Eight Belles. The skills competition is contrived. The Dunk Contest lacks meaningful stars, relative creativity, and successful format.)

And I'm not just plugging up Shaq because I have a bunch of his rookie cards, which I really need to finally mature since my 401k couldn't buy a new pack of Upper Decks right now. If this truly was Shaq's final All Star performance, it was a final opus only a Big Diesel could have composed. The opening stanza of Jabberwocky dance would have been enough, but it was followed by a dunk-ridden, crescendo on the way to 17 points in 11 minutes. That culminated with the most important piece of all: one MVP stealing scene from Kobe Bryant. It was the basketball version of Scenes From an Italian Restaurant. He'll go out at the top (un-Favrian) like John Elway, Lou Gehrig's "Luckiest Man" speech, and the Christmas episode of the British Office.

The MVP timeshare between Kobe and Shaq was even more magnanimous due to the fact that Shaq publicly asked Kobe how his ass tasted last summer in an "impromptu" club rap. And then they were both holding a trophy as if it had never happened. This is the epitome of Shaq; he is so charismatic he could insinuate the debatably best player in the NBA knows the flavor of his butt and then months later stand toe to toe, arm in arm with the man without repercussion.

The Shaq list will likely go way past 1819 but I doubt any reason will ever surpass 1819 in quantity. How could it? But before I quit for the day, lets peruse some of 1819's predecessors...

#1- The first time I ever saw Shaq shatter a backboard... #22- The trivia of him being passed over on the Dream Team for Christian Laettner... #192- Shaq's rap CD, Shaq Diesel has a song that is still on my running mix (by the way he has five albums)... #341- Shaq starred in Blue Chips... #342- Shaq starred in Kazaam and then still landed other roles... #592- A method called 'Hack a Shaq' was created to minimize his dominance... #640- The Shaq-originated practice of watching the dunk contest with your camcorder and feigning shock and awe by falling on top of his neighbor upon every highlight... #718- Shaq was traded to Miami, promised a championship, and delivered it in two seasons... #719- Kobe never won a title without him... #913- During my junior year of college I asked Shaq a question in a postgame media scrum and he didn't treat it like a question from a 20 year old... #1045- Shaq's cameo on Curb Your Enthusiasm... #1269- Shaq's nickname fluidity: Big Daddy, Big Diesel, Big Cactus, Shaqtus, Shaq-Fu, etc... #1351- Shaq's utter dominance PR-wise over Kobe... #1407- Shaq became a volunteer sheriff in Florida and actually helped on a few arrests... #1516- Shaq had a huge circular bed on an episode of Cribs... #1602- The aforementioned Kobe rap... #1757- Shaq kills this commercial... #1812- Shaq unbelievable resurgence this season (17 pts 9 reb a game)