On Obama, the Sox, and Paul Pierce

On TV: I am sitting and watching the President speak right now with a steady eye on the clock. He BETTER not interrupt the 9PM viewing hour. No one who hasn't solved any huge problems is allowed to preempt a new episode of LOST. Also, why isn't he doing these impromptu speeches on Tuesdays, aka the TV graveyard? You know who this wouldn't have been a problem with? John McCain. The guy would probably have been in bed right now. I swear if this guy goes on past 9:01 I am getting a cab, heading towards the White House and [Patriot Act censor]ing his ass.

Sidenote- all of the major networks are on the Obama train right now, except for Fox. I love (LOVE!) the fact that they aren't even pretending anymore. Can you imagine the Fox exec who says, "Obama? Naw, lets go with episode of Lie to Me." Faccccccccce.

On the Red Sox: Just been great results-wise so far thanks to a steady dose of big bats from everyone except for David Ortiz. Remember this outstanding commercial? Is it remotely possible we are being duped like the Japanese right now? You don't complain about winning or after one loss following 11 wins, but if things were to go awry, I would like to think its because of our sneaky not that good pitching. These bats have really been playing the role of the Franconian bailout. 

Even though Wakefield is pulling a Benjamin Button, Lester and Beckett have been wildly inconsistent. Not great from guys we were hoping to get 35 wins from. Meanwhile Brad Penny has been wildly consistent, which is to say he's been wild and erratic. You know the phrase "Penny for your thoughts"? If I were Theo, I would trade Brad Penny for anyone's random thoughts; they wouldn't even have to be optimistic ones. BP looks uncomfortable on the mound and needs to stop throwing BP to during games. 

On Paul Pierce in last night's game 5: The guy showed all the signs of someone who ate Chili's Chicken Crispers right before the game. He played the first 40 minutes of the game slow, lazy and bloated, like his main concern wasn't draining a trey but dropping a deuce. I even texted a few friends that it seemed like he didn't care like we are used to seeing from the Truth. Then, sure enough, like all Crisper meals do, it passed in roughly two hours time, rejuvenating Pierce back into killer instinct mode. And that's what we got: a guy unencumbered by grease, batter, and double fries (cuz no one wants that gnarly cob of corn). 

I owe Paul an apology for not having faith in a man who has certainly earned as much. Also as a Chili's veteran, I should have been able to recognize that Crisper lethargy is fleeting. My bad on that one. 

Prison Break Running Diary

Including myself, there are only three people I know who still care about Prison Break, Fox's television drama that premiered more than three years ago. Originally a fun, cool new show, PB quickly jumped the shark once the writers had Scofield and crew, predictably, break out of prison midway through season two. Since, PB has ambled two more season through re-incarceration and second break, a fake decapitation, whilst the main characters change teams more often than Theo Ratliff. Understandably most viewers quit shortly after the writers and continuity producers did, thus the current PB final run. Last week's episode, "The Mother Lode" was tremendously horrific that I decided I couldn't let another episode go unrecorded. So without further ado, the running play-by-play AND color commentary of PB episode "Vs."

0:01- We open with a sniper given the green light to shoot Lincoln, what could go wrong, right? Well how about Michael Rappaport just so happening to see said sniper as Lincoln walks behind a tree... phew that was a close one.

0:02- Sniper in shootout with Mahone, who's now on the roof. Oddly sniper isn't such a good shot.

0:05- Sarah's oddly timed panic attack is just a potential preggo scare. We have to see her holding a pregnancy test because, lets be honest, her acting isn't conveying anything... ever.

0:11- I hate, HATE those commercials where they offer to buy someone a computer if they can find a good one under $1500. Why does the mom act shocked to be getting a free computer at the end when they told her "you find it, you keep it"? Are PB writers moonlighting for ad reps?

0:15- Linc arguing with Mahone, T-bags, and Rappaport about how to acquire Sylla. The last month or two of this show is just varying permutations of this same scene, over and over. And these guys have less chemistry than the Yankees clubhouse.

0:15- Mahone just happens to stumble upon Michael and Sarah in downtown Miami. I'm sure its a small city though. 

0:18- Apparently "The Company" which uses intricate ciphers and codes, also leaves behind clues that are google-able. Michael and Sarah have a lead... I wonder if this will take them to a showdown with Linc and the boys. 

0:19- So the guys arrive at the embassy in India. Guess the writers didn't feel like researching whether or not there is an Indian embassy in Miami. Spoiler alert: there's not.

0:21- T-bags distraction is a diatribe with the security guard at the "embassy." His rants are hilarious.  Did you know elephant dung could be processed into parchment? 

0:26- A painting of Taj Mahal is prominently placed in a scene. Is it possible that they wanted to allude back to the model Michael built for the warden in season one? No way did they think of that, right?

0:29- Mrs. Scofield is offering technology to India that would "catapult [India] 50 years ahead of its time," leading me to wonder why the US government would just be hiding it from the world.

0:33- Commerical for Cisco that includes the actor who places "The General" singing "I Will Survive." So much for him being scary, and nice job Fox's ad sales team.

0:38- A captured Linc, Mahone, and Rappaport are brought into an office and told "Move an inch and I will kill you" and then left alone, unguarded. It must be nice for the show's writers to not have to care about job performance. 

0:39- The guys leave the room. 

0:39- Oh yeah, also that well run business meeting to sell the contents of Sylla? Well they just happened to forget their post-it note detailing the next step of the plan. Showdown at the airport coming!!!

0:41 Scofield's mom just called him unintentionally and knew his voice after not seeing him since childhood. I'm sure baby Michael had that deep voice though.

0:43- Two white men pull up to airport in a black SUV; Michael and Sarah know they are badguys coming for them. I believe they call that racial profiling.

0:49- Big car chase at the airport, Sarah versus Company agents. I'm sure no one will notice.

0:50- Michael and Sarah about to be shot execution style on the tarmac. Saved last second by Mahone and a sniper rifle. Sets up a Michael Linc reunion. Linc and crew steal the hostage and bad acting steals the scene. 

0:55- T-bag deep in thought, clearly contemplating turning on the guys, his go to move. The makeup person who designed the gashes on his face clearly put one on that looks a little too much like a vagina. Not saying, just saying.

0:57- In a not shocking turn of events, T-bags gives up the guys plan to The General. I'm thinking someone won't be surviving. 

0:59- Another trip to the can for Sarah and this time the reveal of a positive preggo test. Tears: joy or sadness? 

1:00- Rappaport and Mahone believe Sandinsky's story even though, we the viewer, knows its a lie. Apparently an former FBI agent and former homeland security agent can't discern a phony backstory. That's comforting, Fox.

1:01- A not-so-subtle smile by our new con, Sandinsky, and we get the scary PB theme, andddd SCENE. As usual, job barely done. 

DC's Earth Day Mess-tival

Its the week of Earth Day but you probably knew it because there were signs at the local Whole Foods... or you didn't know about it because the holiday is a niche PR-celebration catering to mostly those who already know and already care (like Whole Foods customers). That is the fundamental problem with Earth Day, but since I am hip to the green movement, and it was an awesome weather day in DC I ambled down to the National Mall for DC's Earth Day Fest. 

I'm not sure if its the big part of me that's a nerd, or the little part of me that is a closeted green-movement supporter, but I was looking forward to checking out what today's Fest had to offer.

Let's just say, there's a lot of room for improvement. Here's the big problem, I'm not big on hypocrisy. For example, people fight to save the Earth shouldn't be passing out pamphlets that (if they are lucky) 5% of people may gloss through, before trashing. Or worse perhaps, the loads of trash cans without the presence of a recycling bin for all of the cans and bottles. Also the inane amounts of sound equipment for a concert (why not scale it down a bit or go acoustic in the sake of electricity), the inaner amounts of smokers (inherent littering of cigarette butts, not to mention the clouds of smog), and the inanest amounts of un-picked up massive piles of dung from DC Police horses (So there are laws mandating that dog owners pick up their feces, but police horses can leave monstrous piles wherever?). 

Honorable mention to Chevy Chase who spoke to the crowd (not really) and introduced an environmentalist who's name he couldn't pronounce, not even from the script he was unpreparedly reading from. At least David Ortiz seems like he's trying. Thanks for the effort, Chevy. I hope you got credit for those SkyMiles. 

The inconvenient truth about today's Earth Day Fest was that the potential was mostly unfulfilled. There were some cool science projects discussing sustainable foods and modern solar and wind energy progressions. However, no matter how many free water-bottles and re-usable grocery bags are distributed by corporate sponsors (who's efforts would feel a lot more authentic if their names weren't plastered everywhere), if they aren't practicing what they preach, what's the point? Sure my new, free 1500% recycled polycarbonate mumbo jumbo frisbee gives me some peace of mind, but I'd feel a lot better about the day if I didn't have to throw my Dasani bottle and my handful of brochures into the same trash can. 

The Artist Formerly Known as Office

In life there are disappointments, deep disappointments, and then whatever we label that car wreck into a train derailment on the site of a plain crash that was this weeks episode of The Office, titled "Heavy Competition." I know I have turned Office bashing into a weekly sermon, but this week was the tippiest of all tipping points.

"Heavy Competition" was a prime example of all that is wrong with the entire season. Unfunny bizarre, and sloppy are words to describe this season's atrocious lay out. I've been left to wonder if The Office writing room has been reduced to Alzheimer's patients, monkeys attempting Shakespeare, and former Prison Break scribes. 

Lets start with the chief storyline, the removal of Michael Scott from Dunder-Mifflin. Taking the star of the show out of his habitat was a risky decision that has not paid off. Do we care about the Michael Scott Paper Company? No. Do we lose a tremendous amount in the Michael-Dwight back and forth? Yes. Remember when Entourage took Vince away from Ari? How'd that work?

Next, onto Michael's replacement, the former Stringer Bell, Idris Elba. Elba was a great free agent pick up for The Office, yet the producers have put him into a role in which he cannot succeed. His character, Charles Miner is boring, bland, and and a total douche. As Stringer Bell, Elba was calculating yet impulsive, cerebral yet savage, and both book and street smart. He demonstrated his range and layers; skills which have been buried in a one dimensional character. A solution you want? How about letting him take his character for a stroll and womanize Kelly and Angela who are smitten by his presence? The more Mindy Kaling the better.

What about the others in previously fun Dunder-land? Andy's value is crippled when he is paired with the insufferable Jim. Creed used to have one outstanding, memorable line per episode that the writers have apparently discontinued. Kevin and Stanley are like Rose and Bernard on Lost; previously loved, now missing. And remember when Kelly used to be funny? Me too.

Will I stop watching? No. I won't quit on something with years of street cred because of a little cold streak. If I did, I'd be no better than Yankee fans (in fact, its still seventh on my DVR Series Priority behind Lost, How I Met Your Mother, Always Sunny in Philadelphia, 30 Rock, Mad Men, Real World/Road Rules). I just with the season cut its losses and we get back on track next year. The lesson though, as always, quit while you're ahead. A lesson of which Greg Daniels would have been smart to borrow the British version.

Second Fiddle, First Favorite

I've noticed a trend in television recently: it seems like the best characters are secondary or fringe characters. Maybe its easier to write for minor personalities or maybe they are effective because of their diminished roles, but whatever it is, its working.

Lets start with The Office, a show who's major characters (Jim, Michael, Pam) have jumped the shark, but might as well have been eaten by sharks. This season Ed Helms' character Andy Bernard is carrying most of Dunder-Mifflin on his back, while getting some help from the heavy hitters Kevin and Stanley for sidebar laughs. Helms' battle with Dwight over Angela and Cornell interviews and his stint as Oscar's wingman are on the season's painfully short highlight reel.

The next witness called to the stand is The Office's better half, 30 Rock. 30 Rock has a much wider cast, but again its the little guys who bring it to the next level. No one brings more consistent comedy from the outskirts than Jack McBreyer's Kenneth, but the real hidden gem is, and has always been, Chris Parnell's Dr. Spacemen. The man knocks it out of the park everytime like Roy Hobbs.

Another character that always pleases is South Park's Randy Marsh. Everyone who still watches knows Randy eps are the best, from the Little League episode in season nine, to season 11's Easter Special, to season 12's Internet episode, and already this season's "Margaritaville" romp on the economy. South Park is good but with Randy its always great. (I know I left out tons of great Randy moments, there are wayyyyy too many to name)

I don't like publicly admitting I still watch Scrubs since its a season-long obituary at this point, but the show's sole weekly smile comes from Ted, the hospital's nebbish lawyer. While JD and company are nostalgically going through the motions, Ted still brings the laughs. Maybe his can't-do attitude will never get old but Sam Lloyd seems like the only actor who knows there's actually film in the camera.

More examples, quickfire style, Jeff and Lester on Chuck, Howard Wolowitz on Big Bang Theory, Lo on The Hills, T-Bags on the AWOL-ed Prison Break, and even the recently missing-in-time Desmond on LOST. One big trend, one odd coincidence, or just ridiculous opinion?