Let's Make it a Blockbuster Night

Asking whether or not the Red Sox should trade Manny Ramirez is a shortsighted and incomplete question; there is no right or wrong answer. The realistic question to ask is how much do the Red Sox need to re-coop for them to give away a first ballot Hall of Famer, our 2004 World Series MVP. 

While it's clear that he's losing it upstairs in the control center, it's not fair to suggest he's losing much on his swing. Whether we like it or not, our offense runs through Manny as much as any teams offense runs through a single player. You want Ortiz to see strikes again? Better keep Manny in that clean up spot. Dont wanna lose more than 100 runs of production and a clutch October bat from your lineup? Better keep Manny in the clean up spot.

Current reports are that the Red Sox are talking to the Marlins about stripping Manny down and selling him for parts. This is so dumb that Jerry Remy rallied against this tonight before talking about himself. I think making this move would be the equivalent of waving a white flag and starting to plan early fall vacations. HELLO McFLY!!! We're just behind Tampa and we're leading the Wild Card race. 

Now here comes the curveball... I think there is a good option for a Manny trade, a trade we can make and still defend our World Series championship. A trade that I haven't heard mentioned anywhere yet (as of 7:50 PM): why not trade Manny for Ichiro? Both are outfielders who are on-again off-again disgruntled with their teams. Both are outfielders who are very highly paid. Both are outfielders who can be championship pieces (maybe not this year for the Mariners but they should be better soon). And both are outfielders who can be identified by just one name. 

If the Sox and M's can work out a salary match for the two players (Manny apparently demands that his 2 club options be thrown out so he can work to sign a 4-year $100 million deal and Ichiro is on the books until 2012 at $17 million per), I believe this is a tailor made deal. Both teams shake up their rosters by giving up their franchise guy, yet don't lose talent or star-power. Ichiro would feel at home in Boston with Dice-K and and Okajima and Manny would feel at home because we could just tell him Seattle is close to New York City and he wouldn't know any better. 

The drawback to Ichiro is that he is old (signed for 5 more years!!) and can't match Manny's power numbers. Yet he makes us better in the field though and speedier on the basepaths.  Plus how could you not want him after reading this? The drawback for the Mariners is they lose a fan favorite and guy who rarely sits out. However they get some power into a dreary lineup and add a player who can sell tickets and t-shirts almost as quickly as Ichiro (the deal would obviously hinge on Manny extending with the Mariners after this year). 

At the Fens, Ichiro would own the right field corner and moving JD Drew to left wouldn't be a significant drop off from Manny, once he learned the Green Monster caroms (someone get me Mike Greenwell stat!). The Red Sox are still viable contenders with a lineup of Ichiro, Pedroia, Ortiz, Youk, JD, Lowell, Tek, Lugo, and Ellsbury. The Mariners with Manny next year and the boatloads of young talent with him, can compete in the AL West next year (plus have tons of money to go after others, with Ichiro off the books).

I feel like the wingman on the greatest potential set up in history, I just have to get the Mariners and the Red Sox in the same bar. 

Not Not Untitled Field Trip: WWE Raw

How does one write about their first wrestling experience in almost 10 years conclusively? They don't; no one writes about wrestling or the WWE conclusively, which is why I will throw down some general thoughts from last night's WWE Raw in Washington DC, along with some of my blurry pictures from the festivities (which, after all, are worth a thousand blurry words).

-Before Raw began, we were treated to undercard matches being taped for WWE's Saturday Night show (check local listless). There were about three matches or just enough time for two beer runs.

-In between the generic wrestlers and generic wrestling, there were public service announcements from Jeff Foxworthy and Carmen Electra. I love how the WWE doesn't even pretend to be something it's not.

-The highlight of the pre-show was a live appearance by Jenny McCarthy, who spoke about her upcoming debut for the WWE to raise awareness for the fight against autism. I actually heard someone around me say "I hear autism has a great finishing move." Comments like this make me wonder why it's been so long since my last wrestling event.

-Raw began with a barrage of fireworks and pyrotechnics that could have sank the Lusitania and which Hellen Keller would have thought were entirely too loud. However the stadium is more packed than it was for any of the Wizards/Cavs playoff games, and the cheers make me think that no one else minds.

-The show starts with the apparent heir to the belt, John Cena, talking about hitting some dude named Batista by accident last week. Soon enough the two are face to face and it's funny because I feel like I've witnessed this before. These two are the poverty-man's versions of Stone Cold and The Rock, respectively

-Cena is supposed to be Steve Austin from the camo-hat down to the jorts. I'm told he's the fan favorite these days (only WWE could create multiple jorts-wearing fan favorites). Meanwhile, Batista comes out in slick shades and muscles on his muscles; he is one lopsided eyebrow and two meaty muttonchops away from being the Rock. Problem is that neither guy has enough charisma to make you think they could stand in the same ring as their predecessors.

-My seats were 3rd row on the floor (fake blood splash zone!) and conveniently next to ring-announcer Lillian Garcia. I recognize her from the original Josh Bard WWE Era (1999ish) but she somehow looks five years younger than I remember her... this makes no sense, must be a LOST wormhole situation. Turns out that it's just she is made of more plastic now than most of the WWE action figures.-The night was filled with feeling like I almost fit in. I saw someone who resembled former wrestler The Godfather (of ho-train fame), someone who was the son of Goldust, someone who almost looked like the Kane I used to root for, and some doughy guy named JBL who used to be a jacked guy named Bradshaw. I was confused, excited, and not all together comfortable so it sort of reminded me of losing my virginity (except there were more people cheering and way more funny signs).

-The Best moment of the night? Maybe the two eight-year olds behind me cheering "Kick him in the nuts!" all night. Could have been Shane McMahon's pretty boy dance shuffle. Maybe the nerdy 'only in DC' sign that said "McCain/JBL '08". Then there was my new favorite wrestler, Jimmy Wang Yang, an Asian cowboy. He's got the mustache of an old Western hero and the athleticism of a small Asian man (and he lost in about eight seconds to a Frankenstein looking dude from India). Then again it was probably seeing Kelly Kelly.

Basically the night was filled with enjoyable moments in the forms of chokeslams, beer, crotch-shots, scantily clad women, and the unintentional comedy of WWE die-hards. It's clear that you dont have to be well-read on WWE soap opera storylines (or even just well-read) to enjoy a night at Raw. I recommend it a trip when the traveling show hits your town.

HR Derby, Thanks for the Memory

When the HR Derby opened with 3 Doors Down, I knew my preconceived notions of the event were dead on, it kinda stinks and is sneaky over-rated. I am writing this as the Derby happens so bear with me...

We just saw the players introduced: Uggla, Sizemore, Longoria, Berkman, Morneau, Braun and Hamilton. This should be the part where Aston Kucher tells you you're punk'd and that there's no way the Major League would let a bunch of second rate home run hitters participate in one of the season's most anticipated events. I wish I could tell you that, I wish I could. At least they booked the first rate talent of Erin Andrews tonight for the sideline reporting. She just interviewed Derek Jeter and will probably be dating him by the fifth hitter. He pulls hot tail like his throws from shortstop. 

While we're talking about a second rate event, stay tuned for the 'Ashlee Simpson Ugly Sibling' MLB Celebrity and Legends Softball game featuring Tom Denton, Bobby Flay, and Wade Boggs!!! Maybe if New York won titles, they could have booked A-list celebrities. 

Unfortunately the big hitters like Alex Rodriguez, Adam Dunn, Ryan Howard, and Manny Ramirez had more important plans than thanking the fans for their support. 

I don't want this to become an anti-Yankee diatribe, but I don't think the media has done its job in keeping the players in check, especially A-rod and Giambi for not stepping up for their city. This is shameful on the same level as Barry Bonds not hitting in the derby in San Francisco a few years ago.  Tonight, the stadium is full of Yankee fans who overpay for tickets to see these guys half-ass it night in and out. The mid-summer classic is a way for the players to say thanks; thanks for paying 40 bucks for a crappy seat, thanks for not bailing on us when we hit a slump, thanks for getting me paid millions of dollars a year. 

Meanwhile Giambi and A-rod will sit out and let the J-V team fill their spots tonight. This should be the end of fan support for these lazy, ungrateful, me-first-ers. Look at Giambi's situation first. He vowed if he didn't make the All-Star team, than he wouldn't show up to the Derby. After making it to the final spot vote, New Yorkers embraced him and his mustache for a week. Throughout the week, Yankee fans exhibited more fake facial hair than the cast of Achnorman, but as soon as Giambi was cut, he spurned the fans. 

A-rod meanwhile, apparently hasn't ruined enough things in New York in the last week. No way he remembers the sound of applause and the feeling of adoration. The guy gets treated worse than most of the city's cabbies. But this makes it the perfect time for A-rod to win some fans back; he could be the second most appreciated adulterer in Yankee Stadium behind Rudy Giuliani. The man who's family is living in the house Lenny Kravitz owns, could create a great Yankee memory in the House that Ruth built. Yet Ole Purple Lips is no where to be seen, setting himself up for further questions about his whereabouts, about his meddle, and about his cohones. 

I don't have as much to say about those other biggest mashers, except for Manny who is from New York City. I think its disrespectful and short-sighted of them, and I wish their decisions would affect their fan support. We could have had a lot more fun if those guys had bats on their shoulders instead of Handicams. 

First update- Uggla hit 6. Sizemore, a leadoff hitter, hit 6. Longoria, hit 3, which is 2 less homers than times Chris Berman reminded us he wasn't on the opening day roster. Not really what I would consider a first-class affair thus far. I am not gonna say they phoned in these invites but I think I just saw Bud Selig's dad tell him his July minutes are used up. Thank god for these intermittent Erin Andrews interviews.

Utley, one of the favorites, just hit a solidly underwhelming 5 homeruns. Who knew 3 Doors Down would have a longer performance than the best player in the NL? Next, Lance Berkman went on a streak that briefly made me reconsider my stance on aborting the Derby, as he hit a string of upper-deck moonshots and 8 by the end. But just as things were starting to go right, we had to endure Chris Berman's annoying "Back back back back back back back." If I have to hear that again I might go all Van Gogh and chop my ear off.

Rick Reilly just made a great point that tonight's contestants are all white. 8 white guys, almost a full Gonzaga hoops squad. He points out that 5 of the last 8 winners (or something) have been Hispanic, yet we dont get to see a Pujols, Abreu, Soriano, or Tejada, who can all pound the ball out. A great observation. 

Morneau hits a very Minnesota (vanilla) 8 to tie Berkman and Ryan Braun went off for 7 as half of the Yankee Stadium patrons looked upon a fellow Jew with adoration.

...

...

...umm...yeah... then, that happened. 

How amazing was that? Seriously. It has to be a top 10 performance I've ever witnessed live on TV. This is clearly no longer a junior-prom (I was wrong about that). Just as they said: the fans were cheered out from all of the Ham-il-ton, Ham-il-ton. With his background, his brute strength, and his immense likability, the last 15 minutes couldn't have been better. Those homeruns were of magnitudes incomprehensible. Its like the first time I heard the Beatles. 

You may say that Josh Hamilton proved that I don't know what I'm talking about, but I contend that it proves exactly what I have been saying the whole time. 

Imagine if Hamilton was doing this against those aforementioned big hitters. What if a few guys had hit 20 homeruns and this thing wasn't over already? If Hamilton's 28 had to face A-rod's 22, Manny's 20 and Ryan Howard's 25? Instead we're primed for Hamilton to be tired by the final round and for him to lose to a clearly second rate opponent. I can't wait. Even if he does finish this on top, the derby couldn't have gone out on a higher note than canceling it after the first round, and that's a sad reality on a happy ending. Thanks for the memory.

Top 10 Things of the First Half of Summer (June - Mid July)

Summer is half over and I haven't left DC much, but that doesn't mean it hasn't been good. In my 5th straight DC summer, I have been introduced to some new things, found some other gems on my own, and re-established contact with a couple other old favorites. Here's the top 10 things of the summer, part 1, as I've embraced them chronologically.


MLB Extra Innings Package
Technically I had this in April and May but it has been my second favorite thing on TV (not counting Around the Horn) these days. For those keeping score at home, first thing not technically a summer thing, we're a rocky start but... Not only can I watch Red Sox games nightly, but I can also check in with my fantasy baseball crushes like Evan Longoria and Geovanny Soto at the same time. I used to get excited to watch the hometown NESN feed, but that "gift" has become more of a pandora's box with the ®emdog at the helm. Still, summer feels more like summer with the Sox on in the background during dinner.

Beer Softball
So I've played in a bunch of intramural leagues in DC since graduating (kickball, a few basketball leagues) but this was my first softball experience. Going in I knew about half the players on the team and assumed my skill level might be enough to get by; basically just hoped that the entire experience was decent. Turns out its been the highlight of the summer. I get to look forward to some good, healthy competition and subsequent weekday belligerence once a week. The games are fun and the teammates even better (one guy bagged a 46-year old cougar postgame!). We take turns bringing 30's to the field like soccer moms bringing oranges on gamedays. What could be bad?

Leinenkugels
I have to give all the credit here to my roommate Meghan, who introduced me to the citrus-y goodness of Leinenkugels Sunset Wheat Beer. This may have displaced Sam Summer Ale for official beer of summer. I am not sure what the circulation of this beer is but I feel like if this is all you get from me this year, it will be well worth plodding through the rest of my crap. I've even included the logo here for you too find it at the local watering hole. If you like Blue Moon, there is no question this is for you. Go buy a six-pack and I promise you'll like it and if not, I will take the rest off your hands.

Tacklebox
Tacklebox is also a Meghan pearl of wisdom, and for those who don't know about it, its a new restaurant in Georgetown. Basically its like every little clam shack on the way to the Cape, but with a Georgetown attitude, decor, and price (nobody's perfect). I've only been once, but based on reviews by others, I can vouch for it. First of all, best french fries in DC. Secondly, great lobster roll, great friend clam roll, and awesome asparagus (that's all I've had there). No doubt that the summer Cape feeling is part of the glory at 3245 M St.

HBO's Movie Line Up
Oceans 13, Knocked Up, The Simpsons Movie, Shrek the Third, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix are just a few of the many premiers HBO has given us so far this summer. They're calling it the Billion-Dollar or Million-Dollar Summer or something and so far its lived up to the billing, whatever it is. These movies don't replace the absence of summer regular Entourage, but are perfect for hung over Saturdays, a staple thus far. I like Ocean's 13 the most so far but just having the options make Netflix seem unnecessary.

Pat Green
Most people know Pat Green for singing "Wave on Wave," a country music radio standard and generally awesome tune. My love for "Wave" fooled me to getting tickets for a Pat Green concert at a small venue near my apartment, before I realized I only knew a couple other songs. Thanks to a CD from my brother played on repeat for a couple weeks, I ended up getting into Pat Green in a big way. "Baby Doll", "Cannonball", and "Texas in My Mind" are all rated 5-stars on my iPod now. Granted I dont remember most of the show (consider me THAT DRUNK GUY) and I can't remember what songs he played, I also can't remember not having an awesome time... did that make sense?

Bringing Back Asshole

This old favorite entered my life again during the Pat Green night, you could even convince me he opened for Pat. We also got a game going July 4th, and a few blurry times in between. Let's face it: there was a reason we learned this card game first. It was the most fun and the easiest way to go from sober to stumbling without a funnel. Asshole makes me think of high school summer nights just like McGolf and the Industrial Park basketball court.

Angelina Jolie's Semi-Nude Scene in Wanted
I can't find a screenshot on google no matter how much I search... and I've searched enough that carpal tunnel might be a looming issue. This partial picture is the best I could do for you. But between that scene and the insane action scenes (Wanted is like The Matrix in how revolutionary it is compared to its predecesors) this movie is worth deferring student loans so you can afford a ticket and then come back for a few encores. That is if you like lower back tattoos, breath-taking heinies, and crazy shoot-em up scenes.

Wipeout

The answer to the question: what is my favorite thing on TV these days? See this entry. Since then things have only gotten better.

The New Nationals Stadium

It's just a quick green line trek from my hood (road soda recommended) to the ballpark, and a five dollar ticket will get you through the gate and your choice of 30,000 unclaimed seats. With a monstrous HD jumbo-tron, more food choices than a cruiseship, and the possibility of a no hitter every game thanks to National League offense, you can't go wrong. The park has received a little too much early praise but it is a great park with even more potential. And even though the Nats suck, they keep the capacity and ticket prices manageable for us young professionals who have no money left because we spent it on beer at the park the last time we came. Seven fifty for a beer? I guess they lost their "privilege" to sell High Life.

Not Not Untitled Field Trip: AT&T National Tournament

If Tiger Woods is hosting a golf tournament but doesn't show up, does it still count? Does it still matter? 

Anyone who tells you that Tiger Woods' absence from golf won't hurt the game is either a complete moron, a PGA promoter, or possibly both. Either way, they definitely haven't been to a tour-stop where he didn't show. Here's what I learned today: Tiger Woods is the lifeblood of the PGA tour (granted some of you thought you already knew this but until you see it in person, you have no idea. It's worse than we thought people). An event without him is like a keg-party without a keg; its just a group of people walking around. 

At today's final round Anthony Kim edged Fredrik Jacobson and a few others and as far as I could tell, the only people who care are the Kim family, the Jacobson family, and a couple idiots near me who had made AK Army shirts (lets start qualifying anyone over the age of 14 who draws on a white t-shirt an idiot. Ok? Good).

I've now been at the tournament two years in a row, one with and one without Tiger, and the differences are palpable. Its like PTI without Kornheiser and Wilbon, the Tour de France without Lance, and Rockband with a drum-pad that doesn't register every beat (not that I'm bitter...); it still exists, but really only on paper. 

The first and most obvious is that the attendance is down. Its not just that you can walk up to the ropes at most greens and tees and have an front row seat to the "excitement," but also that the crowds are less fun. Today's gallery sounded more like a library than a sporting event. When Tiger is around there is a frenzy, some loud outbursts, and a bunch of "Get in the holes!!!" Today you could hear babies crying in the gallery. You could follow any of the groupings that you wanted and seen almost every shot. When we got to the 18th fairway today, we had our choice of seats in the grandstand as the competing groups came in. 

It would be easy to compare today's event to an NBA summer league game; it just feels less important. There seemed to be a lack of immediacy or importance today. Its possible this was because Kim won by a few shots out of the fourth-to-last group, rendering the last few groups irrelevant, but all day Congressional seemed more like a "also-ran" list. Watching these also-rans is like watching those guys in summer league games, in the sense that its educating to see who else is playing. Sure, its still basketball, but is it really?

Guys didn't celebrate birdies, guys didn't mourn bogeys, guys didn't interact with the fans. For most players, and most fans, its seemed like the biggest goal was to get the round over with quickly (and I can say I was definitely in that group).

Today's round was shown on CBS on tape delay so I could even come home and re-watch the last few players finish their rounds. Is there anything more boring than irrelevant golf on tape delay? Even tennis can get away with a tape delayed match sometimes, but non-live golf should come with a snooze button.

Meanwhile, golf bored up the joint on a day rich with good sporting events. The Nadal-Federer marathon quickly earned 'instant classic' status, baseball had a full slate of games and named All-Stars, and even the Indians finally trading C.C. Sabathia was a bigger deal. If Tiger plays in his tournament, it runs second tonight on Sportscenter only to Wimbledon. 

If the weather is right, going to a golf tournament is always going to be a good time. The endless green fairways, the pros' monstrous drives, and the girls in sundresses are always enough to keep interest. However when I have to hope CBS has edited the round down so that 60 Minutes doesn't start late and screw up my DVR, you know there's an issue. That issue all starts with an injured Tiger.