Top 10 Things of the First Half of Summer (June - Mid July)

Summer is half over and I haven't left DC much, but that doesn't mean it hasn't been good. In my 5th straight DC summer, I have been introduced to some new things, found some other gems on my own, and re-established contact with a couple other old favorites. Here's the top 10 things of the summer, part 1, as I've embraced them chronologically.


MLB Extra Innings Package
Technically I had this in April and May but it has been my second favorite thing on TV (not counting Around the Horn) these days. For those keeping score at home, first thing not technically a summer thing, we're a rocky start but... Not only can I watch Red Sox games nightly, but I can also check in with my fantasy baseball crushes like Evan Longoria and Geovanny Soto at the same time. I used to get excited to watch the hometown NESN feed, but that "gift" has become more of a pandora's box with the ®emdog at the helm. Still, summer feels more like summer with the Sox on in the background during dinner.

Beer Softball
So I've played in a bunch of intramural leagues in DC since graduating (kickball, a few basketball leagues) but this was my first softball experience. Going in I knew about half the players on the team and assumed my skill level might be enough to get by; basically just hoped that the entire experience was decent. Turns out its been the highlight of the summer. I get to look forward to some good, healthy competition and subsequent weekday belligerence once a week. The games are fun and the teammates even better (one guy bagged a 46-year old cougar postgame!). We take turns bringing 30's to the field like soccer moms bringing oranges on gamedays. What could be bad?

Leinenkugels
I have to give all the credit here to my roommate Meghan, who introduced me to the citrus-y goodness of Leinenkugels Sunset Wheat Beer. This may have displaced Sam Summer Ale for official beer of summer. I am not sure what the circulation of this beer is but I feel like if this is all you get from me this year, it will be well worth plodding through the rest of my crap. I've even included the logo here for you too find it at the local watering hole. If you like Blue Moon, there is no question this is for you. Go buy a six-pack and I promise you'll like it and if not, I will take the rest off your hands.

Tacklebox
Tacklebox is also a Meghan pearl of wisdom, and for those who don't know about it, its a new restaurant in Georgetown. Basically its like every little clam shack on the way to the Cape, but with a Georgetown attitude, decor, and price (nobody's perfect). I've only been once, but based on reviews by others, I can vouch for it. First of all, best french fries in DC. Secondly, great lobster roll, great friend clam roll, and awesome asparagus (that's all I've had there). No doubt that the summer Cape feeling is part of the glory at 3245 M St.

HBO's Movie Line Up
Oceans 13, Knocked Up, The Simpsons Movie, Shrek the Third, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix are just a few of the many premiers HBO has given us so far this summer. They're calling it the Billion-Dollar or Million-Dollar Summer or something and so far its lived up to the billing, whatever it is. These movies don't replace the absence of summer regular Entourage, but are perfect for hung over Saturdays, a staple thus far. I like Ocean's 13 the most so far but just having the options make Netflix seem unnecessary.

Pat Green
Most people know Pat Green for singing "Wave on Wave," a country music radio standard and generally awesome tune. My love for "Wave" fooled me to getting tickets for a Pat Green concert at a small venue near my apartment, before I realized I only knew a couple other songs. Thanks to a CD from my brother played on repeat for a couple weeks, I ended up getting into Pat Green in a big way. "Baby Doll", "Cannonball", and "Texas in My Mind" are all rated 5-stars on my iPod now. Granted I dont remember most of the show (consider me THAT DRUNK GUY) and I can't remember what songs he played, I also can't remember not having an awesome time... did that make sense?

Bringing Back Asshole

This old favorite entered my life again during the Pat Green night, you could even convince me he opened for Pat. We also got a game going July 4th, and a few blurry times in between. Let's face it: there was a reason we learned this card game first. It was the most fun and the easiest way to go from sober to stumbling without a funnel. Asshole makes me think of high school summer nights just like McGolf and the Industrial Park basketball court.

Angelina Jolie's Semi-Nude Scene in Wanted
I can't find a screenshot on google no matter how much I search... and I've searched enough that carpal tunnel might be a looming issue. This partial picture is the best I could do for you. But between that scene and the insane action scenes (Wanted is like The Matrix in how revolutionary it is compared to its predecesors) this movie is worth deferring student loans so you can afford a ticket and then come back for a few encores. That is if you like lower back tattoos, breath-taking heinies, and crazy shoot-em up scenes.

Wipeout

The answer to the question: what is my favorite thing on TV these days? See this entry. Since then things have only gotten better.

The New Nationals Stadium

It's just a quick green line trek from my hood (road soda recommended) to the ballpark, and a five dollar ticket will get you through the gate and your choice of 30,000 unclaimed seats. With a monstrous HD jumbo-tron, more food choices than a cruiseship, and the possibility of a no hitter every game thanks to National League offense, you can't go wrong. The park has received a little too much early praise but it is a great park with even more potential. And even though the Nats suck, they keep the capacity and ticket prices manageable for us young professionals who have no money left because we spent it on beer at the park the last time we came. Seven fifty for a beer? I guess they lost their "privilege" to sell High Life.

Not Not Untitled Field Trip: AT&T National Tournament

If Tiger Woods is hosting a golf tournament but doesn't show up, does it still count? Does it still matter? 

Anyone who tells you that Tiger Woods' absence from golf won't hurt the game is either a complete moron, a PGA promoter, or possibly both. Either way, they definitely haven't been to a tour-stop where he didn't show. Here's what I learned today: Tiger Woods is the lifeblood of the PGA tour (granted some of you thought you already knew this but until you see it in person, you have no idea. It's worse than we thought people). An event without him is like a keg-party without a keg; its just a group of people walking around. 

At today's final round Anthony Kim edged Fredrik Jacobson and a few others and as far as I could tell, the only people who care are the Kim family, the Jacobson family, and a couple idiots near me who had made AK Army shirts (lets start qualifying anyone over the age of 14 who draws on a white t-shirt an idiot. Ok? Good).

I've now been at the tournament two years in a row, one with and one without Tiger, and the differences are palpable. Its like PTI without Kornheiser and Wilbon, the Tour de France without Lance, and Rockband with a drum-pad that doesn't register every beat (not that I'm bitter...); it still exists, but really only on paper. 

The first and most obvious is that the attendance is down. Its not just that you can walk up to the ropes at most greens and tees and have an front row seat to the "excitement," but also that the crowds are less fun. Today's gallery sounded more like a library than a sporting event. When Tiger is around there is a frenzy, some loud outbursts, and a bunch of "Get in the holes!!!" Today you could hear babies crying in the gallery. You could follow any of the groupings that you wanted and seen almost every shot. When we got to the 18th fairway today, we had our choice of seats in the grandstand as the competing groups came in. 

It would be easy to compare today's event to an NBA summer league game; it just feels less important. There seemed to be a lack of immediacy or importance today. Its possible this was because Kim won by a few shots out of the fourth-to-last group, rendering the last few groups irrelevant, but all day Congressional seemed more like a "also-ran" list. Watching these also-rans is like watching those guys in summer league games, in the sense that its educating to see who else is playing. Sure, its still basketball, but is it really?

Guys didn't celebrate birdies, guys didn't mourn bogeys, guys didn't interact with the fans. For most players, and most fans, its seemed like the biggest goal was to get the round over with quickly (and I can say I was definitely in that group).

Today's round was shown on CBS on tape delay so I could even come home and re-watch the last few players finish their rounds. Is there anything more boring than irrelevant golf on tape delay? Even tennis can get away with a tape delayed match sometimes, but non-live golf should come with a snooze button.

Meanwhile, golf bored up the joint on a day rich with good sporting events. The Nadal-Federer marathon quickly earned 'instant classic' status, baseball had a full slate of games and named All-Stars, and even the Indians finally trading C.C. Sabathia was a bigger deal. If Tiger plays in his tournament, it runs second tonight on Sportscenter only to Wimbledon. 

If the weather is right, going to a golf tournament is always going to be a good time. The endless green fairways, the pros' monstrous drives, and the girls in sundresses are always enough to keep interest. However when I have to hope CBS has edited the round down so that 60 Minutes doesn't start late and screw up my DVR, you know there's an issue. That issue all starts with an injured Tiger.

Wipeout!!

I couldn't be a bigger fan of the show Wipeout right now and I have only seen one episode. Its like falling in love on the first date (I assume). We all know the stigma of summer television... keeping the dating metaphor, you could call it the rebound fling after a break up (spring's season finales), and this show knocks it out of the park. The creators of Wipeout knew what we wanted from this relationship, knew what we didn't want, and just delivered. Its not brilliant, its not revolutionary, its not even very original, but it is self-aware, and in this case, that's the most important thing.

This self-awareness is the beauty of Wipeout. It offers the things we are all looking for in our summer television fling: people making asses out of themselves, a little bit of humor, a few good looking women, little emotional involvement, and the ability to miss episodes without being in trouble.

Specifically, here's what the show does right.

1) People get destroyed. Sure this show is basically a rip off of Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, but it somehow brings even more thunder. The carnage is awesome. Its not like seeing the remains of a car accident on the highway; its like seeing the actual collision. These people don't stand a chance. Of the events I saw tonight, there was the wall players traversed while boxing gloves punched them in the face, neck, and even places below the belt. There were those infamous big red balls that players tried to bounce across, but never could. There was a rotating hurdle jump from a platform, a spinning machine before a sprint on an unbalanced surface, and a fresh look at a timeless classic, the rope swing.

Even when the hits didn't look as vicious, the contestants still went flying. And here's the cherry on the top, the minds behind our new summer friend have even one-upped MXC by cutting out all the filler in between big hits. They even edit down all of the boring stuff and basically bring you the low-light highlights for the first 15 minutes. This show is the crab cake without all the breading; its all meat, no filler.

2) The announcers don't over-do it. I never thought I'd say these words unless I was selling hair-dye at WalMart but, "Welcome back John Henson." You may remember him from being moderately funny on E!'s Talk Soup, and from being the guy, who like Derek Zoolander couldn't turn right, or else you'd get that nasty profile look at his Ms. Toper skunk spot (by the way, who was less likely to ever be thought of again, John Henson or Ms. Toper). Henson and co-host John Anderson (one of the best anchors on Sportscenter) match snarky and fresh one-liners over the endless bloopers. Unlike MXC they don't jump the shark because they let the follies drive the show and seem to be content riding shotgun. Even sideline reporter Jill Wagner delivers the occasional joke, some outstanding reactions to the contestants' goofs, and is even sneaky foxy (you'll thank me later).

3) The challenges overshadow the challengers. No one cares about rooting for the players in this game, and the producers know it. Most of the contestants are boring, which doesn't matter, because if we wanted to see people win we wouldn't be watching a show called Wipeout. What is important is that the challenges are actually hard. I don't see how anyone will ever get past a few of the obstacles and I don't really want to see that anyway. The goofier and the more turbulent, the better and for the few fortunate (only in the sense that they get $50k for winning) players, the and even zanier final looms.

The final challenge looks like it would be fun... if you were a navy seal or enjoyed bruising. I wont even describe the kinds of ridiculousness that ensues but its safe to say that it looks like its just an 'elephant walk' short of the worst hazing imaginable. Picture the lame-ass 'Eliminator' at the end of the new American Gladiators and imagine it to be more creative, more difficult, and more satisfying.

One way to spruce up the show, or at least legitimize it, would be if they could somehow get professional athletes to try out the events. Imagine Reggie Bush Kobe Bryant, Ichiro, Justin Gatlin, Alton from RW/RR Challenge and other super-freak athletes challenge each other to feats of most useless athleticism. Or at least watching them get beat up by preposterous competitions. I can't imagine a show I wouldn't end up DVR-ing to watch that play out.

Maybe you haven't yet had a chance to see the show (it premiered this week), but if you watched the NBA Playoffs or really any show on ABC/ESPN in the last couple months, you saw the commercials. And let me say that the episodes are even better (for the moment disregard the fact that I may have formal ties to the ABC/ESPN family). C'mon, just trust me. If this hasn't been enough of an over-sell, let me tell you that the show ended with John Henson saying "From all of us, good night and big balls." Consider me hooked.

Jerry Remy Day... You Gotta Be Kidding Me

If there was a blog called "Things Red Sox Fans Like," the list would include Sweet Caroline, Yankees suck chants at any event with more than 9 people, Jerry Remy, and not admitting to liking Fever Pitch, amongst others. I have a problem with that list; I dont know if I am supposed to (or even allowed to) say this aloud, but I dont like Jerry Remy.

I didn't always have this contrarian view, and I'm not just trying to be one of those annoying activists with a revolving door of issues; I plain dont like the way he influences my Red Sox television viewing experience (and before you say anything about me not getting to watch NESN broadcasts because I live in DC, let me warn you that I have the MLB Extra Innings package so I get all the home games Remy/Orsillo-style).

Here's what positive things Jerry Remy brings to the broadcast table: great knowledge of the Red Sox, good back and forth with Orsillo and Title 9 Sideline Reporter du-jour Hazel Mae/Tina Cervasio/Heidi Watney, and some semblence of the game from a players perspective (he played 2B). He's also brought an undeniable Remy-flavor to broadcasts (and I'm not just talking about that great mustache and accent). And for all the Remy hating I spew, I want to be equal opportunity in commending NESN for upgrading "Why the long face?" Cervasio with Heidi Watney... mmmm.

Here's the problems with those positive things, they are overshadowed by the other Jerry Remy, which we can call ®emy. And by ®emy, I mean the fact that most of the game, is spent talking about the hundreds of lucrative opportunities that the ®em-Dawg can offer members of Red Sox Nation® (and even us regular Red Sox fans who didn't pony up $14.95 for the lowest form of membership).

Lets start with Red Sox Nation. Here's what becoming an official citizen of the Nation gets you: lots of presale opportunities for Red Sox seats (including the opener in Japan!!), lots of raffles for Red Sox seats, a 10% discount at the team store, an e-newsletter, a bumper sticker, a citizens membership card. And the truly crazy thing about all this is that if you wanted to buy the premium versions of Red Sox Nation, you cant. They are all sold out. People can rip pink Red Sox caps all they want, but to me, this is infinately more ludicrous.

While ®emy is the President of Red Sox Nation (thanks to a 2007 season of campaigning during broadcasts; dont get me started), I do not blame him for this lame sales technique, its just one of his extra-curicular focuses instead of color commentary. When ®emy is done plugging the Nation like its a leaking levee, its time for the other services that the ®em-Dawg can provide.

Besides the microphone, under the ®em-Dawg corporate umbrella also lies: a Rem-Dawg hot dog stand on Yawkee Way (and another one coming soon to Logan Airport), a book Watching Baseball, two children's books Hello Wally and Wally the Green Monster and His Journey Through Red Sox Nation (you can't make this up), and The Remy Report website. I have to add this after a quick perusal of the Remy Report: you (even YOU!!) can buy a copy of Jerry's ACTUAL scorecard from the Manny 500th HR game, autographed by Jerry Remy for only $17.95!! Apparently he's even more concerned with moy-chendizing than the Schwartz in Spaceballs.

But what happens in the fourth inning when the ®em-Dawg has already mentioned all of these opportunities twice? Have no fear Nation members, its time for Orsillo to shoulder the load of play-by-play and color while Jerry Remy scans the crowd for signs with his name on it. I only blame him for half of this, with the other part of the blame spread amongst the morons from Nashua, NH, Bangor, ME, and Killington, VT. Somehow these people feel it is a better idea to go to a game with a sign made for an announcer rather than for a member of the team they are going to support. I cant wait til they sell Remy Red Sox shirts... oh, nevermind.

Maybe my convictions against the ®em-Dawg are so strong because I know I am swimming upstream. When I have voiced this concernt to friends and colleagues before, it is usually rebutted with laughs and insults, both of which I am ready for. It seems another response is "Name a set of local announcers you'd rather have." I am also ready for that response. In DC we are privy to two baseball teams on local TV, the Nationals and the Orioles. While the DC booth kinda sorta stinks, I would rather have the Orioles booth in a heartbeat. Jim Palmer and Gary Thorne are a solid, knowledgable duo who take their duties of broadcasting the game seriously. I'm sure there are others that are better than the NESN duo.

Problem is that its not just my dumb friends. He has become so popular that yesterday (6-24) was officially bestowed Jerry Remy Day in Boston, by Mayor Tom Menino (luckily for him, I dont vote in Massachusetts anymore). I would rather have a Dave Roberts day, a Dropkick Murphys day, or even a "that funny Crunch N Munch guy" day. You gotta be kidding me...

®emy has let his broadcast responsibilities fall by the wayside and has become too comfortable to work on improving. His immense popularity paired with his lucrative (and I can objectively say, brilliant) businesses has made him apathetic about job performance and I think the NESN subscriber should demand more. Please tell me where Dustin Pedroia likes his pitches instead of when he'll be at your next event. Tell me how this team is different than the Sox team you were on, not about how to get my own Wally the Green Monster beanie-baby (with adirondack chair!!). We have demanded more from our hometown teams and look what is has yielded; let's stop giving the ®em-Dawg a pass for his mediocrity.

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLLLLLLLLLE

Something happened last night that I never expected. The champagne scene in Wild Things became my second favorite champagne memory of all time. But, I'll get to that later though.

It all starts with expectations. They are unsteady and fickle; they can change after any minor or major event (say a PJ Brown jumpshot or a Paul Pierce twisted knee) and as far as I can tell, they aren't consciously controllable. Maybe just my expectations are erratic and unstable...

Lets just say this, before the playoffs started, I didn't think Game 5 tickets against the Hawks would be worth the effort of a deposit. Expectations were Snoop Dogg high. Then out of nowhere came the Joe Johnson debacle, which is like calling it the Spygate misinterpretation. Sure the C's Papelbonned Game 7, but who could be sure which team would face the Cavs in the next round.

Next, LeBron came to town, making already-wavering expectations recede like the S&P 500 (shout out to my good-for-nothing 401k!!). Again my Celtics expectations elevator rose up to the penthouse and then back down to the lobby as their jerseys switched from white to green. Ya know that feeling when a 6-year brat jumps in your elevator and hits all the buttons and you have to deal with that herky-jerky ride up and down, never knowing the next stop or where it will end? That was the Cavs series. Another 7 games of the expectations elevator acting like Disney's Tower of Terror. Luckily the S&P Celtics used the TD Banknorth Fleet Center Shawmut Center Garden like Harry Potter used his cloak of invisibility; lots of close calls, but ultimately were protected the prized possession (the parquet).

It was at this point where I felt like watching the S&P C's wasn't fun and certainly wasn't healthy. Maybe I'm a pessimist but the pain of 3 losses was becoming greater than the joy of 4 wins. This wasn't the basketball team I had rooted for all year. This wasn't the best team in the NBA that played the best team basketball in the NBA. It was like looking for American Beauty and Usual Suspects Kevin Spacey, but finding the guy who was in K-Pax. 

Oddly playing Detroit made things better when I expected worse, and all of a sudden it was time for Kobe and the Condiments. Again the yo-yo expectations carried me through to game 6, where I didn't know what to expect. I wanted to believe in the team but even more I didn't want to be heartbroken again.

Yet, there I was last night watching a 10 point lead jump to 20, jump to 30, jump to 39 before I had time to chew my fingernails down. Take that lowered expectations!!

And this is where we get back to the champagne. Expectations be damned, I defied them and headed to Davo's (apparently we have good luck squinting at his little TV) with a bottle of champagne, just in case. And then, with Eddie House dribbling the clock out, Davo and I popped the cork, sprayed the bottle, and cheers'ed to Paul, Kevin, Ray, Kedrick, Rajon, Eddie, Tony, James, Leon, Glen, PJ, and even to Sam, and Doc. We drank, hugged, drank, called our dads, and laughed at Kevin Garnett seizuring with delight. No longer will Neve Campbell, Denise Richards and Matt Dillon be my Big Three of champagne.